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Angry Goobers: Census Worker Bill Sparkman Found Hanged in Clay County, Kentucky

Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 4:03 pm

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Bill Sparkman, hanged by anti-government goobers?
UPDATE: UPDATE: See Bill Sparkman's Death Ruled a Suicide...

This has all the makings of some anti-government goober taking his half-wit beliefs way too far. On September 12, the body of 51-year-old Bill Sparkman was found hanged in the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural Kentucky. The word "fed" was written on his chest.

Given his background, it's doubtful Sparkman was targeted over a personal beef. He was a substitute teacher, director of the Boy Scouts in London, Kentucky, a standup dad who did Census work on the side. Sparkman was even profiled in a story on how involved he was in his son's education, despite suffering from lymphoma.

Though scant details have been released, what we know is that Sparkman was doing Census work in Clay County, Kentucky when he disappeared. It's an area not known for having a pleasant views of the federal government. And from the info we have now, it appears that Sparkman was murdered simply because he was a part-time federal worker...


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Sparkman was warned about working in redneck land
No one's disputing the rage against Washington these days, especially in the rural South. There have been tea parties, protests, and mob scenes at congressional town halls meetings. Part of it stems from legitimate worry over a sprinting federal deficit. Part stems from conservative whites being uncomfortable with a black president. But much of it is the product, quite frankly, of people who are dumber than Jell-O.

When you bray against "socialized medicine" -- while simultaneously collecting Medicare -- let's just say your IQ can be counted on your fingers and toes.

Retired Kentucky state trooper Gilbert Acciardo knew Sparkman was headed for Gooberville when he heard his colleague would be working in Clay County. Acciardo runs an after-school program at the elementary where Sparkman substitute teaches. He warned his friend he was heading into government-hating redneck country.

"I told him on more than one occasion, based on my years in the state police, 'Mr. Sparkman, when you go into those counties, be careful because people are going to perceive you different than they do elsewhere,'" Acciardo told the Associated Press

He was the one who reported Sparkman missing when he disappeared from work for two days. "He was such an innocent person," Acciardo said. "I hate to say that he was naive, but he saw the world as all good, and there's a lot of bad in the world."

UPDATE: Could conservative stoking of fears have set someone off?

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Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachman has been peddling Census Bureau conspiracy theories

Say you're not the brightest tool in the shed. Say you have limited education, you live in the outbacks of Kentucky, and you get your occasional news from Fox and talk radio, which is the only thing on the dial in these parts save for country music.

Let's also say you're taking an economic beating. While most of the country is hurting, the rural South has it especially bad. So you're frustrated, growing increasingly angry,and looking for someone to blame.

If you're conservative, and you've spent the past few months listening to right-wing news, you've heard word of such evils as socialism, FEMA internment camps, government death panels, forced abortions and illegal black presidents born in Africa. You turn on Rush Limbaugh or Michael Savage, the kings of Victim Radio, and you hear the constant drumbeat of how you're oppressed, how these outside forces are ruining this great country of ours.

None of this is true, of course. In fact, it's abject bullshit. But you're isolated in the outbacks of Kentucky. You don't know any better.

And maybe you've heard the latest conspiracy theory concerning the Census Bureau by some wingnut in Congress. Here's what Minnesota's Michelle Bachman had to say about it:

"If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the census bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations, at the request of President Roosevelt, and that's how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps. I'm not saying that's what the administration is planning to do. But I am saying that private, personal information that was given to the census bureau in the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up."

In other words, the government is probably out to get you. It's a popular theory in the South -- that the feds about to round everyone up and take their guns. The Tennessee legislature even passed a law preventing the confiscation of guns in the event of martial law. So you decide the best defense is a good offense.

That's when you come across the middle-aged census worker. He's a good man, but you don't know this. You're enraged over the federal government, and he's its emissary. You can't see that he's just like you, working a second job to get by.

Best of all, it's not a tough guy. He's mild-mannered, easy to abduct. So you -- maybe with the help of some buddies -- grab him when no one's around. Take him to the woods. String him up.

You're not bright enough to know that all you've done is murder a working stiff. You figured you've delivered a blow to the feds. So you carve that word --"feds" -- across his chest. Let 'em know they're not welcome in these parts. Then you return to your hovel with a sense of pride, believing you're fighting the good, patriotic fight.

Okay, so it's just a theory. But we're guessing it's a plausible one.



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