Probation officer gives office BJ to boot-camp teen
Top 5 Stupid Criminals of the Week: Pastor Fakes Kidnapping to Hide Affair Edition
Monday, September 14, 2009 at 10:01 am
This week's countdown of five very stupid people who won't be nominated to the Criminal Hall of Fame anytime soon...
James Hart discovers the weed bartering system is not operative in Maryland
No. 5 Stanley Williams: The 57-year-old Newark teacher spent 20 years in schools, devoting his life to special ed students. But he seemed to have problems with attendance. In fact, he missed 33 days in one year. So he was summoned to the superintendent's office to defend his absences. That's when Williams got the bright idea get a stolen doctor's prescription pad and forge an all-encompassing excuse. His lawyer would later ask for leniency at Williams' sentencing for forgery. His excuse? The special ed teacher missed all those days because he's a coke addict. Needless to say, this excuse last proved successful in 1972. Williams got a year in the slam.
No. 4 James T. Hart: After fueling up his motorbike in New Market, Maryland, Hart decided to see if he could pay for the gas in marijuana. If he entered Classic Fuel and found the clerks rocking some Phish, this might have been a good idea. But since they called the cops, we're guessing they're Kelly Clarkson fans. Which leads us to today teachable moment: Never Act Conspicuous While Holding an Impressive Selection of Drugs. Hart was hit with possessing pot, coke, and oxycodon.
No. 3 Shawn Nicholas Sulli: He was wanted in Carson City, Nevada for a third-offense drunk driving. So when a deputy caught him speeding, Sulli fled on foot, jumping a fence into...Sheriff Ken Furlong's backyard. The good sheriff, who'd been listening to his police radio, quickly subdued our suspect. But the worst was yet to come from neighbors who insulted him for being sooo damn dumb. "Dumbass, you picked the wrong yard to jump into," the sheriff said one neighbor yelled. 
Shawn Sulli
No. 2 Jermaine Washington: Our runner-up honors go to a man who was really jonesing to do a robbery. So he picked the first guys to come along in New York's Riverside Park. You could say he's not very discriminating about picking his targets. "The guy didn't even look to see who was coming," say police. And coming along was two cops... in uniform. Washington pulled a fake weapon, but one of the reasons you don't rob cops is because they have real weapons.
No. 1 Wikler Moran-Mora: The Seventh Day Adventist preacher was a Godly man, and he wanted to spread that Godliness around. But one night he had extra ministering to do, so he texted his wife in Hillsborough County, Florida to say he'd been kidnapped. He told her not to worry or call the cops. After all, preachers get kidnapped every day, right? Further texts said he was negotiating his release. But the missus did call police, who traced the pastor's cell phone and found him in the arms of a woman who definitely wasn't Mrs. Moran-Mora. The preacher admitted the story was concocted to hide his affair, and was charged with filing a false report.
Wikler Moran-Mora
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