Top 5 Stupid Criminals of the Week: Drug Mule Gets Arrested After Refusing to Pay Hooker's Cab Fare

Christtina Galpeau needs a new man friend.

​There are stupid criminals, and there are really stupid criminals. And then there are our Stupid Criminals of the Week.

5. Christina Galipeau and Eugene Jackson: We all crave McDonald's french fries from time to time -- it's pretty clear evolution wants it that way -- but Christina Galipeau, 22, and Eugene Jackson, 33, took things a bit far during their recent stop at a Massachusetts McD's.

After receiving the wrong size of fries -- not the wrong style burger or the wrong flavor of shake, but the wrong size of fries -- the two began hurling change at the offending cashier and another employee, apparently a 54-year-old woman, as if she didn't already feel bad that she was 54 and working at McDonald's. Since change is not good for accuracy, police say Jackson then picked up a cone from the recently washed floor and chucked it across the counter -- maybe because of the fries thing, or maybe because he once got rejected from working at McDonald's. We're guessing the latter.

4. Garry Lee Damon: Gary Lee Damon walked into a Santa Clara, California bank recently and tried to rob it. If that wasn't dumb enough on its own -- do these bank-robbing stories ever end well? -- Damon had a couple of things working against him:

A convicted felon -- for the very classy crime of assault with intent to commit rape -- Damon's parole officer immediately recognized his face after police produced surveillance video from the robbery. And just in case Damon were to try the old "I have a doppelganger!" defense -- doubtful, since it would require him knowing the word "doppelganger" -- the parole officer checked the records associated with the GPS tracking device attached to Damon's ankle, which showed he was, indeed, inside the bank at the time of the robbery.

Oh, we didn't mention he was wearing a tracking device? Sorry. Those things are so easy to forget about.

Benva Oshana Lazari has never heard of anesthesia.

​3. Benva Oshana Lazar: Raising serious questions about the quality of his dentistry school, San Jose dentist Benva Oshana Lazar is the only medical professional we've ever heard of being accused of feeling up patients while they were awake.

Police say several women complained that Lazar felt them up under the guise of doing a breast exam, which would be way more believable if Lazar was a breast doctor, or maybe just a doctor doctor -- any kind of doctor, really, who deals with stuff below the neck. But since he's a dentist, and since very few women have cavities on their breasts, the patients got a little suspicious.

Leo Beitz should have cried

​2. Leo Beitz: After a long night of drinking in Boulder, Colorado, Leo Beitz returned with his friends to their childhood apartment, and that's when things went awry. For reasons that are unclear, Beitz ended up with a knife. And that knife ended up in in the gut of 21-year-old Parker Chase Rolles.

That wasn't Beitz's mistake. Well, it was a mistake -- stabbing dudes usually is -- but it's what came next that was really dumb: As witnesses told police that Beitz had become angry and simply attacked Rolles, Beitz told police that the stabbing occurred while the men acted out scenes from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. And since no one has even seen Men in Tights since 1999 -- let alone acted anything out from it -- police don't seem to be buying it.

It's called Fight Club, Leo. Google it.

Adan Flores-Delgado's mustache is sad.

​1. Adan Flores-Delgado: Getting a hooker can be expensive -- especially when they try to gouge you with all sorts of hooker-service fees and other whorish charges. But you've gotta pay'em, guys. Otherwise you end up like Adan Flores-Delgado.

Flores-Delgado, 36, recently paid $40 to get his hyphenated self serviced by one of Milwaukee's finest working girls (we assume that $40 gets you the finest in Milwaukee). But after she finished her work, the woman asked Flores-Delgado for a cab fare.

Flores-Delgado probably would have given her his car had she asked before or during sex, but after-sex Adan is apparently very principled. He refused, and an argument ensued. Police came. And police, being somewhat astute to this sort of thing, noticed a bunch of cocaine hanging out on Flores-Delgado's nose. And then they noticed that his sparring partner was a hooker. And then they noticed that inside Flores-Delgado's minivan was holding $67,400. In cash.

And that was the day the Milwaukee police busted a major drug mule because the drug mule was too damn cheap to call a cab. Ain't that America.