Man kills serial pedophile
Thursday, Dec. 17 2009 @ 11:57AM
He looks like a cross between a 1960s professional wrestler, a temp worker at a Renaissance Fair, and an extra from Spinal Tap. He also claims to be the "King of Vampyre Nation." But we're guessing that won't go over so well in the Indiana penal system...
Jonathon Sharkey -- aka "Jonathon the Impaler," aka "Rocky Flash" -- will be spending the next two years in the slam for threatening to torture, dismember and impale a judge and his family. 
The picture kind of says it all, doesn't it? A vampire who plays a wicked ax while simultaneously dressing like a 1960s professional wrestler
It seems Sharkey was pissed at Marion County Judge David Certo over another case, though we're not quite sure what that was about. Starkey believed Certo was violating Vampyre Nation laws by trying him in a normal court. Sharkey, it seems, is only responsible to Vampyre law.
On his MySpace page, he says "I will make Rambo look like Mother Teresa!" But he's a little more dainty in real life. So he went to the Speedway Public Library in Indianapolis to send out threatening messages saying he wanted to maim, impale and generally get Medieval on the judge, his wife and kids.
We don't even know what to say about this
Alas, Sharkey seems to lack the covert skills of vampires in the movies. A library worker saw the threatening messages and called police. He's now pleaded guilty to making the threats and will spend the next two years in the slam.
We'll let Mario Massillamany from the Marion County prosecutor's office provide the straight-laced narration: "Mr. Flash believes that he is the leader of the Vampyre Nation and
there are a group of individuals that believe they're vampires here in the United States and he is their leader," Massillamany told WTHR-TV.
"By charging him, he believes that he as the leader of Vampyre Nation should not be held to the laws of the United States and that by holding to these laws, that Judge Certo is violating vampire law."
But jail time hasn't dampened Sharkey's ambitions. He plans to run for office with the pagan party when he gets out of prison, though he won't be able to stump at Judge Certo's. He's been ordered to stay away from the jurist and his family.
This is unreal! I saw this on my local news station! This freaky guy is in my community! AAAAHHHH! Who'd know that vampires use the library!? I think discrimination is in order here. I don't want any self-professed vampires reading next to me in my library!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait......why would he need a library? Not just the computer, right? I mean, if he's really a vampire, he has a way of getting what he wants...so wouldn't he already have bitten someone and took off with their computer so he could have one at home? Or is it against some vampire ethic-code to not steal? I also want to know if there are any geeky looking vampires. Do all of the male vampires look like this? Is Indianapolis the central headquarters for the vampires since he's the Big Vampire Man on Campus? Should I move????????????????????????? Avoid libraries??????????????????????????
Posted 12/17/2009 at 12:08:29 PMHow would he be able to get to the library during daylight hours? Are the libraries in Indiana open 24 hours a day? LOL!
Posted 12/17/2009 at 01:53:47 PMI wonder if he only sings Elvis Love Songs or if "Jailhouse Rock" is on his list? It appears that he'll be singing that tune for two years. Why would anyone claiming to be a vampire call themselves an impaler? Aren't vampires the ones that get impaled in all the movies? Also, does anyone happen to know how many "followers" he had? Where are the written "Vampyre" laws and do they say that you must wear a black singlet and sing Elvis tunes?
Posted 12/17/2009 at 01:57:36 PMThis guy looks a little fleshy for a vampire, what with the double chin, beer gut and all.
Posted 12/17/2009 at 03:24:48 PMPerhaps Jonathon's version of "Vampyre" springs from the other dictionary definition of vampire: "a person who preys ruthlessly upon others; extortionist."
3 words:
Posted 12/17/2009 at 03:37:55 PMmiddle aged crisis
The Impaler comes from Vlad the impaler, a ruler in the 1400's that liked to impale his enemies (to the tune of 20,000 people) on wooden stakes until their death. Then he just let them bake in the sun. A nasty man and the person for whom Bram Stroker based his book "Dracula". Here is a link to this dark man's story: http://www.castleofspirits.com/vlad.html
This guy is a dimestore Vampire. Check out this site, they don't even mention his name! http://www.xeper.org/ovampyre/
Hmmmph, I suppose they are no stranger than some religious christian cults!
Posted 12/17/2009 at 04:38:39 PMOh my god, I just attempted to watch a documentary on netflix about this guy, because he has been in the media before when he tried to run for governer. It was the most embarassing, depressing thing watching him melodramatically suck blood from his wife's arm in front of her kids, that I honestly couldn't even finish watching it. Midlife crisis indeed. He comes across as a serious loser who is totally out of touch with reality. His platform seemed to be legal reforms that would allow him to execute terrorists on the spot. This nerdy picture above with the cheesy Dean Flying-V style ACOUSTIC guitar says it all.
Posted 12/17/2009 at 04:49:36 PMAmerican "Vampyre"? Spare me! More like American moron. Prison will give him a much needed reality check.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 05:30:02 AMI was a vampire once.... then on my 10th birthday I grew up.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 09:01:59 AMThis guy could play Nathan Explosion in a Metalocalypse movie.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 11:38:52 AMThis is ridiculous. Everyone knows the unspoken law, that if you meddle and get involved with mortal affairs, can't take care of your own and get pinched, you're a pretty pathetic otherkin and deserve whatever you may reap.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 11:41:11 AMYOU SPOKE THE UNSPOKEN LAW MOLLOCH!!!
Prepare for the consequences.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 11:59:13 AMDo not fear! I am Superman! I eat vampires for breakfast! I will save you, all of you!
Posted 12/18/2009 at 12:15:33 PMI wonder if they'll let him sleep in a coffin in prison?
Posted 12/18/2009 at 02:16:01 PMJonathan 'THE IMPALER'!
Congratulations, you're officially the biggest douche of 2009! Move over Jon Gosslin there's another Jon taking over! He's an amateur wrestling, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen and Frank Sinatra listening, uhh... blood drinking Vampyre? Nope, he's just a douche bag sitting in a prison cell.
Sadly for no one, he's no longer Jonathan The Impaler but in fact, the Impale-e. Visit his myspace page, it's choc full o' douche.
Peace on earth, good will toward men.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 03:20:37 PMive never posted a comment on any forum EVER (for real), but im drunk right now and that small exchange between molloch and jah almost made me just pee my pants
Posted 12/18/2009 at 10:28:54 PMOh God! It IS an acoustic. That thing must sound like absolute crap. Probably has nylon strings. I'll bet he knows about six chords.
Posted 12/18/2009 at 11:25:39 PMClick the forum posts and go to his unborn babies myspace.. This guy is about as retarded as they come...
Posted 12/19/2009 at 02:31:22 PMYou'd think a vampire would have his own computer, wouldn't you?
What a dork.
Posted 12/19/2009 at 10:24:51 PMHey guys-
There have actually been two feature length documentaries about Sharkey:
http://www.impalerthemovie.com/
http://www.myspace.com/impaledpainfullyblunt
Posted 12/21/2009 at 01:39:51 PMIf he didn't sparkle before he went to prison, he's sure going to.
Have fun Jonathon Sharkey -- aka "Jonathon the Impalee."
Posted 12/22/2009 at 02:53:45 AMGreetings to all,
As usual, you can't believe a thing the media writes. I am not in jail or in prison. Nor do I have probation. By Judge Mark Smith's Court Order that is all I am allowed to say about matter. I DO NOT want to get my A$$ CHOPPED by him.
On the Ides of March 2010, in Rochester, MN, I will be OFFICIALLY announcing my candidacy for Governor of Minnesota. I hope to see you all there.
Happy Holidays to all.
Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,
Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey
Posted 12/23/2009 at 02:22:05 PMTo Jonathon: Since I didn't read of any specific dates, I assume you have either served your time, the final ruling has not been made and you have posted bail, or the charges have been dropped altogether.
As far as running for Governor, I wish you well. Surely you can't be any worse than some of the others that run.
Please just explain one thing to me. Why is it that you feel that the Vampyre Nation should be a sovereign nation and not abide by the laws of America, yet you want your nation to be on American soil? I have been reading your websites and others sources to see if I could discern what was going on.
Ok, I lied; two explanations, please. Are you immortal? If so, were your born immortal or did you gain this "virtue" by some unannounced means?
To all of the TrueCrime readers, sorry that my post got off track of the real subject of this website, I was just curious and wondering if "The Impaler" would answer some questions.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 02:47:34 PMJonathon "wanna lot of attention" Sharkey. Although some of what you say as you agenda for govenor are pretty good. As far as being a vampire or "Hecate" witch, you give those who are wiccans or pagan followers a bad name. First, Hecate is not a dark goddess. Yes she is the goddess of the underworld. But she is invoked when you want to STOP someone from bad behavior. To bind someone from causing harm. Not to mention if you were really a witch you would not give out your path name, because you know what can happen, you would try to follow the three fold, and would truly believe in the Wiccan Rede.
You are just an uneducated, attention seeker who is using what some consider a real religon that people don't understand to be nothing but a bully.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 08:47:34 PMWhich parts of his platform would be "pretty good," the ones where he gets to execute people with a sword? Jonathon, grow up and take care of your children by getting a real job. And wake up, you are never going to be voted into office because you're a bit unstable and out of touch with reality. People need governors who have experience, have held other important jobs and can think rationally. Did you see yourself in that documentary? Don't you recognize how uninformed and naive you sounded?
Posted 12/24/2009 at 01:37:28 AMI didn't say he should get the job. But he's views on education and other non-violent ideas aren't really wrong. Yes, he's a phoney and needs to grow up and no I wouldn't vote for him.
Posted 12/24/2009 at 10:12:36 AMthe funny thing is he is out of jail and has a new 18 year old girlfriend
Posted 01/03/2010 at 09:29:10 AMI met this guy once &, yes, he's OUT THERE! What I'd like to know is if he denounces US laws, than why the H*LL is he going to run for Governor? Being gov. would require him to abide by US laws!
Posted 01/06/2010 at 11:24:40 AMif i may he is nothing but a bully for four years he "dated" a 12 yr old 14 yr old (Minnesota) a 17 year old and a 15 year old then he got to a girl name megan and she was 18 so he finally hit legal age. CHILD MOLESTER!!!!
Posted 01/09/2010 at 10:31:59 PMWow, Avi, when was he dating these kids? How old was he then? I definitely would not be surprised if that were true, watching his relationship with his girlfriend in that documentary. Why didn't anyone call the cops on him then?
Posted 01/09/2010 at 10:37:31 PM