Probation officer gives office BJ to boot-camp teen
Top 5 Douchebags of the Week: Emma Jaime Butchers Husband Over Taco Dispute
Monday, January 25, 2010 at 9:00 am
Welcome back to Douchebags of the Week, further evidence that chimps still have hope for global supremacy. This week's top prize goes to Emma Jaime, who seems to have killed her husband over a taco. But first, let's meet our challengers...
5) Valerie Minicucci
Like most mothers of young children, Valerie Minicucci relishes those moments of free time while her kid attends kindergarten each day.
Unlike a great number of moms, however, Minicucci spends those moments firing up eightballs in the school potty.
Shortly after the 40-year-old Connecticut mom dropped off her child on January 15, school officials noticed she never left the building. A secretary promptly found her shooting heroin into her foot in a bathroom stall.
Minicucci denied shooting up -- a claim hastily debunked when cops spotted a fresh puncture wound on her foot. They also found bags of heroin and coke and a stash of needles in her van -- supplies Minicucci not-so-cleverly insisted were used for treatment of her diabetes, which she was unable to prove she has.
She was charged with drug possession in a school zone, her second drug charge in the past year and, we're guessing, not the last of her already storied young career.
4) Roger Stephens
If fate had been kind enough to drop Roger Stephens on the coast of Greenland, he might have made an honest living clubbing baby seals. Instead he got his ass arrested at a Georgia Walmart.
The 61-year-old was found guilty this month of child cruelty for repeatedly slapping a crying two-year-old at a store last August.
According to police, Stephens approached the crying child's mother, Sonya Mathews, and offered his version of assistance: "If you don't shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you."
Stephens proceeded to slap the baby four or five times, which technically did result in a brief moment of stunned silence, followed by batshit wailing by both mother and child.
"See, I told you I would shut her up," Stephens said as Mathews screamed for security. A shopper detained him until cops arrived.
Stephens will be jailed for six months, followed by six months of home confinement, followed by a procession of golden years devoid of redeeming value.
3) Stacy McLaughlin
Perhaps it was something in the warm Wyoming air that set Stacy McLaughlin's mind to romance at the campground that August night.
What followed, unfortunately, was an episode of pure skank hoebaggery fit for a Shakespearean tragedy, if Shakespeare had written about hoebag skanks.
McLaughlin, 40, reportedly started French kissing and fondling a 13-year-old boy after his parents had gone to sleep. She then invited the boy to join her in the outhouse for what surely was the unhappiest of happy endings.
A female camper nearby heard the sound of a zipper and a belt clicking, and found McLaughlin alone in the outhouse after the boy had walked out. The latrine Lolita insisted the two were "only making out."
McLaughlin, who claims to be the mother of six very unfortunate children, pleaded not guilty to charges of sexual abuse of a minor. If convicted, she could face 20 years behind bars.
2) Joseph Trujillo
The best trips to the bar help you forget the troubles of everyday life. The worst trips help you forget the five-month-old child you left back at the house.
Jefferson County Sheriff's deputies say Joseph Trujillo, 23, of Golden, Colorado, left his baby boy alone at home to go drinking at a local bar on the evening of January 21.
Seven hours later, the baby's live-in grandmother awoke to the sound of Trujillo crying while cradling the dead child in his arms. His untimely bender has resulted in charges of first-degree murder.
Autopsy results are not expected to be made available for several months, according to the county coroner. The arrest affidavit for Trujillo was sealed by a judge, allowing few further details to be revealed...though a considerable lapse in judgment appears to have played a role.
The child's mother, Trujillo's wife, serves in the army at Fort Riley, Kansas.
1) Emma Jaime
Crunchy or soft, spicy or mild: The debate over tacos could rage forever -- unless you happen to be debating Emma Jaime.
Police say the 23-year-old woman and her husband, Ramon, were arguing over tacos in their Greenfield, California home when she stabbed and killed him on New Year's Day.
Police responded to a domestic violence call at the house and found Ramon, 27, still alive on the floor with a puncture wound to his heart. Jaime said their argument had started over tacos but escalated, prompting her to hold a butcher's knife under her own chin at one point and tell Ramon to "Go ahead and kill me."
He stepped toward her and was impaled by the knife -- an accident, according to Jaime.
Ramon's two young children from a previous marriage were also in the house at the time.
The newlyweds had both been corrections officers at Salinas Valley State Prison. Emma faces murder charges that could result in up to 35 years in lockup, for which she would appear to be well qualified.
Get to know last week's Douchebags: Mathew Loza and Richard Gomez, the World's Worst Neighbors, Gun Down 6-Year-Old Boy
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