Probation officer gives office BJ to boot-camp teen
Top 5 Stupid Criminal Countdown: Never Send a Sext to Your 15-Year-Old Girlfriend's Mom
Friday, January 15, 2010 at 10:01 am
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| Not a Mensa gathering |
A New Jersey mafioso once remarked on the stupidity of his brethren in the organized crime trade. While he could stand in line at McDonald's unnoticed, gangbangers and bikers used their colors to loudly advertise their criminality to police. Can you say "morons," boys and girls?
But a set of New York Crips took that one step further by boasting of their gang affiliations on MySpace. They were part of a sizable drug dealing crew at the Grant housing project, so naturally police decided to investigate.
This week 11 mopes were arrested. Cops seized 190 grams of crack, 60 grams of cocaine and 51 doses of heroin. A search for intelligent life within the crew turned up empty.
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| Candy Rock, vanity be thy name |
It was a brisk 20-degree day in Enfield, Connecticut, but 28-year-old mom Candy Ann Rock was feeling a little pasty. So she decided to go to the tanning salon.
She didn't want her artificial bronzing interrupted by her two kids, ages 3 and less than a year. So she left them in the car. With no heat. Someone noticed the discarded kids and called the cops.
The children were unharmed, but Candy isn't. She's been charged with reckless endangerment, first-degree vanity, and attempted hotness while failing to accept she's now a mom.
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| Jamario Hill, no longer football fan |
James and Jamario Hill -- along with their 17-year-old brother -- were breaking into a Sacramento home when a resident called 911. Jamario was nabbed at the scene, but James and his kid brother tried to escape across the nearby grounds of Foothill High School.
It was a rather unfortunate selection of routes. It just so happens that the school football field was populated by cops that day. They were practicing for their annual Guns 'n Hoses game against city firefighters. And these weren't donut-eating, guts-so-big-they-need-to-be-formally-introduced cops. No, they were the kind who still play football. And they were dressed in full pads.
They saw the two suspects running through the stadium and recognized their description from a radio alert. They also probably noticed the police helicopter hovering above.
So 10 cops gave chase in what became a pass rushing drill. Needless to say, the brothers didn't get much blocking, and they were sacked for burglary and conspiracy.
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| Jason Hughes, congenital pussy |
You see those devil horns on Jason Hughes' head? They're not from marker. They're tattoos. It's his way of saying to everyone in Cedar Springs, Michigan, "While I might look like a pussy, I am, like, totally dark-hearted and evil. No, really."
But since everyone still considered him a candy-ass, the 19-year-old decided to prove his point by raping a 13-year-old girl. We're guessing a guy with devil horn tattoos doesn't get much action from women his own age.
He's charged with sexual misconduct, a resume popper that will soon launch his new career as a sex slave to a biker named Toothless Ronny in the Michigan pen.
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| Jacob Lee Bailey, no future in telecommunications |
23-year-old Jacob Lee Bailey, proof that man evolved from ape, likes his babes young -- as in the 15-year-old variety. So he was sending sext messages to a girl in Ardmore, Alabama.
Alas, our hero isn't all that skilled in the telephonic arts. One of his sexts went to the girl's mother, who naturally called police. Bailey was yanked over by the cops in a traffic stop, where he admitted to sending the messages.
His pedophile union card has since been suspended, and he's now facing chortling and derision in an Alabama jail.
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