Douchebags of the Week: Battered Husband Muzzammil Hassan Beheads His Wife

​Welcome to another all-new episode of Douchebags of the Week, fresh baked with wholesome D-list celebrities. This week's top prize goes to badgered husband Muzzammil Hassan, who calmed his wife with a hunter's knife. But first, please welcome a familiar face...

5) Andy Dick

​Douchebag fun fact: Though he has never appeared in a Top 5 list, actor-comedian Andy Dick has finished in the Douchebag Top 10 every week since the prize's inception. Now he's got a prime slot all his own.

Dick, 44, was arrested January 23 for grabbing the crotch of a bouncer at a bar in Huntington, West Virginia. He had been hired to perform at a Huntington comedy club later that weekend, and the club's manager ponied up the $60,000 bail to ensure that the show would go on.

Dick, still on probation from a 2008 incident in which he pulled down the top of a 17-year-old girl, faces an initial hearing on February 2. He is charged with two counts of felony sexual abuse and one count of being Andy Dick.

4) Bambi Stell and Herman Sims

​Four out of our five junkies agree there's nothing like God and loved ones to help you through troubled times. Bambi Stell, on the other hand, says the sons of bitches can all go to hell.

When 32-year-old Stell went missing from her Pinckneyville, Illinois home for three days in January, concerned calls to the sheriff resulted in a welfare visit to her home by deputies.

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That's where they found Stell, along with a most impressive and somewhat incriminating methamphetamine lab. The young entrepreneur was arrested along with Herman Sims, 30, with whom Stell shared the residence and presumably the crank.

The two face felony charges for producing meth -- with bonus charges pending for setting up shop next to a church.

3) Carlos Correa

​When a lawyer commits theft against a federal agency, you call him a standard-bearer for his profession. When he gets tried for one charge and nailed for two, you call him a Douchebag of the Week.

Attorney Carlos Correa, 64, of Houston was found guilty of cashing his dead father's Social Security checks for the past 12 years, pocketing $180,000 for his trouble.

But Correa's day in court took an embarrassing turn -- even for a lawyer -- when prosecutors revealed that he had weaseled a friend into pretending to be a Mary Kay Cosmetics employee for a 2006 murder case.

In addition to the theft conviction, Correa entered a guilty plea on perjury charges. His February sentencing should yield at least 12 years behind bars, virtually squashing any hope of seeing a dime of his mother's Social Security.

2) Unnamed Texas Stepfather

​Names are commonly withheld by the press when criminal proceedings involve offenses against children. In this case, the State of Texas itself could've done without the publicity.

A 28-year-old married man in Alvin, Texas, has been charged with sexual assault of his 11-year-old stepdaughter. According to authorities, the man had sex with the girl on a regular basis since she was six -- sometimes as often as several times per week.

The man's cover was blown when the girl, then 10, began exhibiting signs of pregnancy last year. She gave birth by C-section on December 12, and both child and infant are in the custody of an adult cousin who does not demand sex from children.

The man denied fathering his stepchild's child, though DNA test results have suggested otherwise.

If convicted, he could receive up to 99 years in prison -- welcome news to affection-starved inmates throughout the Texas state penal system.

1) Muzzammil Hassan

Hassan's wife had file for divorce just days before he allegedly beheaded her.

​Victims' advocates will tell you that husband abuse at the hand of their wives often goes unreported. Then they will tell you that Muzzammil Hassan needs his balls chopped off and deposited in his backside.

The 45-year-old Orchard Park, New York man will stand trial in March for allegedly beheading his wife in February 2009. According to Hassan's defense team, the murder took place after years of abuse inflicted on Hassan by his wife, Aasiya.

"The [wife] was the dominant figure in this relationship," defense attorney Frank Bogulski told the Associated Press with what appeared to be a straight face. "He was the victim."

Both born in Pakistan, Hassan and Aasiya were co-founders of an Islamic TV station they launched in order to -- and no way did you see this coming -- combat negative stereotypes of Muslims. Cops say Hassan killed his wife at the station with a hunting knife; Aasiya's body was found one week after she had filed divorce papers.

Hassan had been married two previous times, with both wives filing for divorce over their husband's chronic cruelty. He has two children each from his first marriage and his marriage to Aasiya, which is also not believed to be stereotypical of Muslim men.

Craving more Douchebags? Visit last week's gallery: Emma Jaime Butchers Husband Over Taco Dispute.