Brandon Goddard, a 23-year-old from Harrison Township, Michigan, has an IQ slightly lower than fishing bait. While he was engaged to be married, he decided to have sex with a 21-year-woman who was not his bride-to-be…
And just because he’s a creepy bastard, he decided to film it on his laptop — without the woman’s knowledge.
All was well and good until the Goddard threatened the woman with publishing the tape, so she went to the cops. By this time our hero was married, so police got a search warrant for the home he shares with his parents-in-law — because you just had to know that Goddard is still mooching off someone’s parents even after he gets married.
That’s when police found said tape.
It wasn’t the biggest of crimes, since the tape was never published. He’d already done 26 days in the slam awaiting trial, and there was a good chance he’d get probation. Except for the fact that Goddard is an idiot.
He decided to call the “Dog House” segment on radio station WRIF. “This
girl is a total nut job,” he announced. “She decided to
tell the cops and say she didn’t know she was being recorded.”
He also claimed the woman was jealous because he wouldn’t leave his bride-to-be. Naturally, Brandon Goddard
believes Brandon Goddard is an unparalleled catch.
Alas, someone with the Macomb County
Prosecutor’s office happened to be listening in, and brought a tape of Goddard’s boasts to his sentencing. That didn’t make the judge happy. Instead of a slap on the wrist, he got an additional two months plus three years probation.
But at least everyone in radioland now knows the true story of Brandon Goddard’s awesomeness.
See yesterday’s episode of Moron of the Day: Sean Dunn Wrapped Frat Brother in Toilet Paper, Set Him on Fire.