5) Edward Rodriguez
But Rodriguez was partying solo late one February night when police in Mesa, Arizona, responded to a report of a suspicious person hiding in a ditch behind an empty home.
That’s where they found a shirtless Rodriguez with his underwear slung around his neck, sporting a pair of women’s pants with a hole cut in the crotch that left Li’l Edward hanging out. Sex toys were scattered all around him.
Perhaps to distract from the roiling sea of weirdness that had already engulfed him, Rodriguez greeted an approaching officer by offering up a bag of meth and a hand-fashioned tinfoil pipe he had stashed in a nearby drain.
He was charged with possession of drugs and drug supplies, though several new crimes are also expected to be named in his honor.
4) Siri Pinnya
Police say the 36-year-old Philadelphia man was rebuffed by a 17-year-old girl when he asked to pay her for sex at a downtown terminal on February 17. He responded by spanking the girl and trying to flee, which didn’t go so well.
The girl called 911 and shouted for help, then went after Pinnya herself. He landed a punch to her face, then she beat him down till cops arrived.
Back at the station, Pinnya kept officers at bay while he masturbated in his cell.
“He wouldn’t stop so we had to wait till later to clean him up,” Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood told The Philadelphia Daily News.
Pinnya was charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct. By the time he was ready to be processed, officers wisely requested only his left hand for fingerprinting.
3) Adam Lebowitz
The HIV-positive emergency room doctor from Atlanta was found guilty last week of making kiddie porn and trying to sex-up a 15-year-old boy.
Lebowitz’s private life unraveled when he met the boy through MySpace and made plans to take him to his home for sex. The plans met a snag when the boy told his mother about the creep trying to get into his pants.
Lebowitz arrived at the boy’s home with condoms, lube, sleeping bags, and extra hospital scrubs, which were difficult to explain to arresting officers who were waiting for him there.
A search of the not-so-good doctor’s home yielded child pornography, including videos of himself having sex with two underage boys.
Lebowitz has been fired and his medical license suspended. He could earn life sentences for each conviction.
2) Robert Cook
The 44-year-old from Fairburn, Georgia, was parked alongside a dirt road on February 15 when he was spotted by Vogt — the same cop who had run him in for drunk driving and assault in the past.
As Vogt approached the car, Cook blasted away at him with an assault rifle, according to police reports. The 52-year-old officer drove a short distance in reverse and called for help. He died from his wounds shortly after.
Cook fled the scene but was tracked by four SWAT teams to his trailer home two days later. Though police had learned the suspect was a gun enthusiast who stockpiled ammunition, he was apprehended without incident.
“He did not want to be arrested for DUI so he shot and killed a cop,” Vernon Keenan, director of the Georgia Bureau of Investigation, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Cook appeared in court the day after his arrest amid a phalanx of armor-clad security. He is charged with murder, aggravated assault, and using a gun to commit a felony — though no worries at all about another DUI.
1) Tristan Williams
The 28-year-old from Liberty, Missouri, was caring for the three-week-old girl while her mother was at a doctor appointment on February 15.
Williams told police that he had placed the baby in a bouncing chair inside her crib. He heard a noise coming from the bedroom and returned to find two felines leaping from the crib. The chair was on its side with the baby still inside.
In a call to 911 he was asked how cats could perpetrate such an act. “They managed to,” Williams responded.
The child’s mother returned home to a swarm of police. She said at the time that she did not know what had happened, though Williams later said that he had called her in a panic before dialing 911.
The baby was hospitalized with brain swelling, facial bruising, and multiple rib fractures. She died the following day. Investigators ruled her death the result of “non-accidental trauma,” which would appear to exonerate the cats.
“It’s safe to say we don’t believe the cats did it,” prosecutor Dan White told KSHB TV.
Williams was arrested on February 17 and charged with child abuse; his bond was set at $1 million. The child’s mother was also arrested but released the following day.
It’s not the first time Williams’ child-rearing has been called into question: He was accused by family services of neglecting two other daughters in 2002 and 2003.
Get to know last Monday’s Douchebags: Steven Kelsey Stabbed Sister in the Eye, Raped Her as She Died.