Andrew Whiteman, Drunk Vampire, Threatened to Kill Cop’s Children, Eat Another’s Kidney



​Michigan’s Andrew Whiteman was in Ohio to apply for classes at Oberlin College, a crunchy granola school on the outskirts of Cleveland. So he decided to get very, very hammered. Police found him trying to break into a Drug Mart in New Russia Township…

If you’re going to be a vampire, you should at least have some respectably scary teeth. Is that too much to ask?

​He was soaking wet, muddy from head to toe, and as we may have previously mentioned, very hammered.

Police pulled up as he was trying to kick his way through the door. They thought it might be good to arrest him. And that’s when our pint-sized drunk decided to start threatening the cops.

He told them he was a 100-year-old vampire who would live forever. Then he threatened to kill one officer and his children, and claimed he could smell the cop’s blood from the backseat of the cruiser.

When he was booked into jail, he was so unruly he had to be put in restraints. He threatened to eat the kidney of a female jailer.

By morning, the 21-year-old from Royal Oak, Michigan had sobered up enough to realize he’d acted like a huge dick. He apologized to the cops for his behavior.

But that wasn’t enough to rid him of the charges. He’s been hit with breaking and entering,
disorderly conduct, intimidation, and sucking at the vampirecal arts.