Probation officer gives office BJ to boot-camp teen
What Wouldn't Jesus Do?: Colin Haag And Wife Held Father Hostage And Kidnapped Daughters
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 at 9:00 am
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Before we get to Haags' tangled web of indiscretions, let's start off with a man who has committed a much simpler sin. Insanity is a sin, right?
Three years ago, Thomas Paprocki, an auxiliary bishop in the Archdiocese of Chicago, made headlines when he blamed the slew of sexual abuse suits brought against the Catholic Church not on pedophile priests, but on Satan, himself.
The 57-year-old priest, who was ordained in 1978, not only claimed that suit's plaintiffs -- i.e. victims of sexual abuse at the hands of priests -- were making it difficult for the church to perform charitable work by sinking its cash into legal fees -- but he even suggested that an old law that shielded nonprofit organizations like churches from civil suits be reinstated.
He claimed that the force behind such lawsuits was "none other than the devil." And by "devil," he didn't mean the deviance of pervert priests, but the seeking out of damages by their victims.
And how did the Catholic Church respond to such insensitivity? Well, by giving Paprocki a job promotion, of course.
Much to the chagrin of the Survivors Network of Those Abused By Priests, Paprocki was promoted last Tuesday to a seat as the ninth bishop of Springfield, Illinois.
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4. George Valdez
It's apparently been a rough couple months for the Chicago Diocese -- and an even worse spell for the parish St. Mary's.
In January, congregants discovered that one of their former priests had been accused of molesting an 8-year-old while serving as a St. Mary's seminarian in 2005.
Then, the church got news that its grade school would be shut down thanks to poor enrollment and a deficit of $330,000.
As if things couldn't get much worse, the west Chicago parish recently found out that, while it was going broke all on its own, it was also getting a bit of a push toward the poor house from its own business manager, too.
Between 2006 and 2009, George Valdez was responsible for maintaining the church's finances.
But when the 58-year-old deacon resigned last year, the new business manager conducted a much needed audit that turned up more than $300,000 in missing funds.
St. Mary's immediately took its findings to DuPage County prosecutors, who soon realized that Valdez had been using the church's bank account more like his personal slush fund.
Authorities discovered that Valdez had spent more than $5,000 of the church's money on White Sox tickets, $5,000 on Bears tickets, and another $2,500 for hotel rooms. He also placed his family on the church's health insurance plan without paying premiums, deposited more than $20,000 into his personal bank account, and paid off his credit cards while the parish's school lay in ruins.
Last month, Valdez turned himself into authorities after he was indicted on 30 counts of fraud.
3. John West
John West has a knack for leadership -- but not the kind that endears him to law enforcement. Just religious types. Oh! And drug addicts, too.
Since 1969, West has been an ordained minister. The 59-year-old was most recently a pastor at the Prayer House of Deliverance in Milwaukee, where he preached alongside his wife and also worked as a youth counselor.
But proselytizing wasn't the only family business that West was involved in. When he wasn't too busy spreading the Word of God, he was dealing heroin with his 28-year-old son.
Last week, West was indicted along with nine other people -- including his son -- for selling heroin.
Authorities have described West as the leader of the drug-dealing ring, claiming that he would go the Chicago to buy the drugs, then developed an "innovative way of cutting" the heroin to increase profit. Aside from hiring armed body guards for his protection, he also carried a gun, himself.
A federal judge refused to set bail in his case.
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2. Jason Smoker
Jason Smoker might describe himself as a man of God -- but we'd say he's really more akin to a school yard bully.
In August 2008, Smoker was working as an assistant pastor at the Red Rocks Baptist Church in Colorado when he forgot to ask himself, "What Would Jesus Do?"
Smoker had asked a developmentally-disabled volunteer to clean out the church bus. Displeased by the young man's job, Smoker had the volunteer lie down next to the bus and then proceeded to dump trash on top of him.
When church officials found out about the incident they immediately placed Smoker on probation. A year later, he was fired after Jefferson County prosecutors charged him with neglect of an at risk victim.
On April 12, Smoker was found guilty of the charges. He will be sentenced in May.
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1. Colin and Amanda Haag
Like we said before -- Colin, 34, and Amanda Haag, 34, have committed such a strange array of crimes, that it's hard to know exactly where to start. So, we'll just begin with possibly the weirdest of their stunts.
Last week, Jonesport, Maine police found a man wandering the streets when they decided to stop and question him.
They soon found out that the man was Carl Haag Sr. -- and that he'd been held hostage by his son and daughter-in-law in their basement until his recent escape, though news reports haven't explained why.
That's when the Washington County Sheriff's Department began investigating Carl Jr. and his wife, Amanda. And what they found only got weirder with each new clue.
Apparently, Carl Jr., 34, and his wife, Amanda, 34, had been traveling around the country with Carl Jr. posing as an ordained minister. Carl Jr. managed to dupe churches across Ohio, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina into giving him work as a pastor.
His resume states: "I stand firm on the Word of God. I am a preacher with a backbone and I preach what the Lord wants me to preach. I do not sugar coat my sermons in fear of offending. I stand true to the Word of God and I do not sway from the Holy Bible. I am a Pastor who is sold-out for Christ."
But the trail of evidence that the Haags left behind told a different story.
For the past year, Carl Jr. had been working at the Columbia Union Church and Lighthouse Church in Addison, Maine.
Last month, the church's caretaker caught the Haags stealing items from the churches, including valuable candle holders, historic records and hymnals, a piano bench, a Communion container, and a handmade table and a Bible.
The caretaker reported the theft to Washington County authorities, but dropped the case when Haag agreed to return most of the stolen items.
Police say that the Haags were getting ready to move again when police ran into Carl Sr. on the street.
That's when Carl Sr. revealed that the couple had also kidnapped Amanda's daughters -- ages 7 and 12 -- from a previous marriage. He told authorities that the couple would move whenever Amanda's ex-husband got wind of their whereabouts. He also said that the couple had been keeping the girls at a nearby motel -- where they were often left alone.
Police arrived at the motel to find the two girls and immediately took them into protective custody. Apparently, their father had been looking for them for the past two years.
Even weirder was the fact that neither Amanda, nor Carl Jr., had ever gotten divorces from their previous spouses before they married.
Last week, Washington County authorities finally caught up with the couple and arrested them on charges of kidnapping and custodial interference. They are both being held in the Washington County Jail, where they also await theft charges.
Read last Tuesday's What Wouldn't Jesus Do: Priest Ricardo Quinteros Charged With Raping 8 Girls, Including Daughter.
Tags: Colorado, Illinois, Maine, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, What Wouldn't Jesus Do?, Wisconsin
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