If you have a really distinct tattoo — that also happens to be epically bad — you should probably avoid going into the home invasion business. But 20-year-old Anthony Brandon Gonzales was just too damn dumb to realize this basic problem…
Let’s go to the replay booth here so we can show you this mutt’s tattoo in full splendor
Last week, he and some other men decided to do a home invasion robbery of an Elvis impersonator in Pueblo, Colorado. We can’t begin to fathom why they’d think an Elvis enthusiast presented a lucrative target. What? Did they think there was huge demand among fences for vintage sequined capes?
And though our masked men wore masks, it seems Gonzales exceedingly bad tattoo showed through. You see, he decided to tattoo the words “East Side” above his lip, apparently because he couldn’t grow a mustache. Then he decided to get the number 13 tattooed in place of a bad goatee. This would help him to know when to hit or hold while playing blackjack.
But someone at the fake Elvis’ house saw the tattoos through Gonzales’ mask, and reported it to police.
We’re only guessing here, but there’s probably not thousands of guys in Pueblo with East Side mustache tattoos. He already had a drug pinch on him, and now police have charged him with robbery as well.
See our last episode of Epically Stupid Criminals: Degenerate Rapist Outwitted by Victim.