Ten Executions Gone Shockingly Wrong 1
Busted by Social Media in Three Hours 2
Clemency Request From Mass Murderer 3

Linda Garcia Sued Over Smoking Cigs in Her Backyard

By Pete Kotz in bizarre
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 6:59 am
woman-smoking_opt-1.jpg
​Be still, my sphincterific heart, for tight-assedness is alive and well in Albuquerque. It seems Linda Garcia likes to enjoy a tasty American tobacco product on her back patio. But is also seems her neighbors, Jesus and Pat Martinez, don't like smoke wafting toward their home...

Linda-garcia-backyard.jpg
Scene of the crime, where Linda Garcia wolfed nefarious tobacco products, causing neighbors' buttocks to contract
​So they sued Garcia, claiming that her smoking sucked and they wanted it stopped.

You should know that Jesus is a former smoker. In fact, he smoked the first 10 years of their marriage until quitting. And since Hell hath no fury like a guy who gave something up -- especially an ex-smoker -- he's pissed that someone else is still doing it.

Now we all know that smoking's bad for you. But it's also delicious, soothing, and makes you 10 percent more beautiful (see photo above for evidence). So Garcia refused to stop wolfing cigs on her patio.

The case finally went to trial Monday, when the forces of sphincterism were defeated. Under cross examination, Garcia's lawyer got Pat to admit that her husband smoked for 10 years and she never bothered to sue him. The judge ruled in favor of Garcia.

So what do you think, dear reader? Is this a case of Tight-Asses Gone Wild? Or is smoke a legitimate quality of life violation in a case like this?

See our last episode of sphincterism: Girl Accused of Terrorism for Playing Cops & Robbers with Finger Gun at School.



More links from around the web!

Email Print
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
  Livefyre
Sort: Newest | Oldest