Neighbors Who See Stabbing Kick Ass
What Wouldn't Jesus Do?: Andrew Auernheimer, 'The iProphet,' Hacks Computers For God
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 at 9:00 am
Meet Andrew Auernheimer, the star of today's What Wouldn't Jesus Do?. Auernheimer refers to himself as the "iProphet," happily hacking computers and stealing people's personal information in the name of God... 
5. Robert Lee McQueen
By day, Robert Lee McQueen worked as a pastor at the Burning Bush Missionary Baptist Church in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
When he wasn't too busy preaching the word of God, McQueen was also busy running a side business as a bail bondsman.
And when either of those jobs didn't suffice, he also ran a pretty lucrative drug dealing ring.
Police were first tipped off to the pastor's part-time heroin dealing in October 2008. That's when they searched his home and discovered a plethora of China White, along with guns, and money that had been marked and used by undercover cops in drug buys.
On Thursday, the 61-year-old was finally convicted on six counts of drug and firearms charges after a four-day federal trial.
He could face a life sentence and millions of dollars in fines.
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4. Harold Simpson
Harold Simpson's story puts a nice little twist on the sort of tales we usually include on this here list.
Simpson obviously caught on to the fact that clergyman have quite a high success rate of getting into the pants of little boys and girls.
How else can you explain why he decided to pose as a preacher in order to get parents to entrust their children to him?
That's right. Simpson is not a real reverend. He just pretended to be one.
The 60-year-old Atlanta man then got the parents of a 6-year-old boy permission to take him to church. The only problem was that they never made it there.
Instead, the boy told police that Simpson checked into a motel in Sparta, Georgia and then raped him in the room.
Simpson's neighbors are shocked to say the least. The man has been living in his Atlanta home for over 30-years. The mother of the children next door said he was always courteous and kind and her five sons, ages 9 to 17, say that he doesn't "look" like the sort of man who do such a thing.
Regardless, Simpson is now in jail and facing charges of child molestation.
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3. Travis Gandy
In March 2008, the mother of a teenage boy found some text messages on her son's phone that made her concerned.
They'd come from Travis Gandy, the pastor of music ministries at Praise Fellowship Church in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, where she and her son were members. And they were a little too friendly for her taste.
The boy's mother approached Gandy about the texts, when Gandy told her that he loved her son unconditionally and she had nothing to worry about. After all, he was married with a newborn child.
She decided to believe the best in Gandy. But the 27-year-old pastor had no intention of keeping his word.
Instead, he continued to text message the 15-year-old, often writing "I love you." Gandy also told the kid that he was gay and was extremely confused about his sexuality as a teenager.
Then, in the fall of 2009, Gandy told the boy he wanted to have sex with him. The boy refused, claiming that it was wrong because Gandy was married and had a child.
Still, Gandy continued to pursue him. Several months ago, he even started sending the boy naked pictures of himself, and the boy did the same for Gandy. The photos became increasingly more graphic.
Earlier this month, Gandy again asked the boy if they could have sex. He also described a sex act he performed on another man and asked if he could do it to him.
That's when the kid's mom discovered how far their relationship had come and promptly alerted authorities.
Last Monday, Gandy was arrested and charged with exposing a child to harmful material. When police asked him if they would find nude pictures of himself and other men on his computer, he promptly ended the questioning.
He is now out on bail and is currently suspended from his pastor position, which he will be fired from if found guilty on the charges.
2. John Gochani
John Gochani certainly has a unique take on counseling his congregants.
In February, a woman by the name of Gugu Nzima told the pastor of her church that she wasn't feeling very well when he referred her to John Gochani, the pastor of the Zion Church of Christ.
Nzima arrived at the church hoping that a prayer session might help lift her spirits. That's when she handed a letter from her pastor to Gochani who sent her into the room where the service was to be held.
That's where he ordered her to remove all of her clothes, except for her undergarments. Gochani then pulled out a switch and began beating Nzima who managed to escape within an inch of her life.
In court, Gochani referred to the beating as part of a cleansing ceremony, in which he says he has to physically beat the evil spirits out of a person.
He claimed that the first round of beatings didn't do the trick and that he would have continued to beat Nzima if she hadn't gone to police first.
He was convicted of assault and sentenced to 105 hours of community service.
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1. Andrew Auernheimer
Andrew Auerheimer may not be one of the most vile creatures to appear on this list -- but he's certainly one of the craziest.
On Tuesday, Auernheimer was arrested on drug charges after police discovered cocaine, ecstasy and LSD in his Arkansas home.
But that's not even the beginning of this bizarre tale.
Apparently, authorities had come to Auernheimer's hideout after being alerted by the FBI that he was part of Goatse Security, the hacker group that notoriously exposed a security flaw in AT&T's system, which allowed them access to the personal information of over 114,000 iPad users.
And this has what to do with Jesus, you might be asking yourself? Quite a lot, actually.
When Auernheimer isn't too busy hacking into computers, he's updating his blog "Weev Loves You," on which he writes about his immense respect for Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro "God Hates Fags" Church.
In one post, Auernheimer writes: "Best way to spend a hungover Saturday afternoon: shoutcasting the gospel music of tone of the few living messengers of God on Earth. America is a fag nation! Jews are violent preobrate rebels against God's will! Thank God for IEDs! Israel's doom is coming, God's promises are sure! God bless Fred Phelps. God bless Shirley- Phelps-Roper. God bless the Westboro Baptsit Church!"
Aside from his anti-Semitic, evil Jesus-loving rants on his blog, Auernheimer has also posted a series of videos and podcasts on the web, referring to himself as the "iProphet." In the last post, from July 2009, Auernheimer rails against the "Zionistic Media" for manipulating the truth. In another, he claims that he has to "skip town because are some big Jews that want to hand me a summons."
While Auernheimer may just be another online nut job, he's a pretty dangerous one, capable of hacking into the most sophisticated of computer systems. In 2008, he was interviewed by the New York Times Magazine for a feature on hackers. He claimed that he kept money in off shore accounts and had access to hundreds of thousands of social security numbers.
He now faces five drug-related charges. Meanwhile, the feds will be searching his computer at their forensics lab in New Jersey to see if played a part in hacking AT&T's website.
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