Family Massacre Case: Reader Tells Why Women Keep Taking Their Abusive Boyfriends Back

• I was 15 when my friend met him. My Dad had a new girlfriend and was getting high on heroin everynight and missing during the day. I was so afraid that me and my siblings would go back to foster care and be seperated from eachother if anyone found out about my Dad. The new guy my friend was bringing around said he was 19 and started giving us money for food and clothes and school supplies. Then he started asking me out. Then He moved in. Then he hit me. First he punched me in the hand for touching his cell phone. Then in the face because he called my brother a fag and I told him not to. Then he started to choke me til I passed out. Then he told me I had to move out with him or he would call the cops on my dad. I lived with him as a slave until I was 19 and realized I wasn't that stupid nor weak. I left him and moved in with my brother. Then he found me, STABBED me 14 times with a butcher knife,even through both sides of my face, leaving it in the back of my neck, me in blood on the floor. He kicked me in the ribs and walked away thinking I was dead. I am not ignorant, nor disgusting. I was just a CHILD and I was vulnerable to a predator. This is the REALITY of abusive behavior and the results.

• part of the reasons a woman puts up with it. sometimes due to her growing up with a abusive father. she dies not see it in her man. she is sooooo used to it. she also has been trained by her dad to act a certain meek way around males. such as walking somewhere between a half a step up to 3 steps behind the guy. even if she is to the side of him. @angry grandma could add: spending more than maybe $20 for a week's worth of food for 2 folks. hit wanting a night out with him hit especially if it is some place more expensive than a cheap burger joint. having to rush out of the house soon after getting home to go to a charity event. and asking for a $1 burger hit and a possible yelling at for "wasting his money on her" having a medical emergency like a asthma attack and not being able to get up and act like nothing wrong hit helping others as a part of doing charity and wreacking one's body hit, reamed at least a new one. and no chance of seeing help for it. that's if the guy is a physical abuser. mental and emotional abusers tend to ream out the person. and refuse to let the gal see any medical personel beyond maybe once a year for a physical. and maybe twice a year for dental. my ex was more the emotional type. and he refused to get a full time job. he at the time had a part time job. I had the full time one. and I wanted the part time. and him to be full time. he kept telling me that I would be unhappy. what he told everyone else. is that I supposedly wanted to be the main breadwinner. he also got mad at anyone who pointed out that he was abusing me. to the point, we had less and less folks to be friends with. and since he is also a pedo. I am trying to keep any knowledge of who my kid is. no, she is not his. but my current man's

• That explains nothing.

• I agree with CT also-for my own story I put up with alot of abuse, mental not physical, because I felt really bad for my abusive husband. He had been beaten severely by his mother whilst growing up. But when he refused to get some help I bailed for my own safety as it was escalating. Men are abused by their women too, this isn't something we read about much but it happens.

• I agree with CT, I was abused by my first husband for 14 years it is a scary life, we have 4 children together and I was very young when we met. when I finaly got the nerve to leave I had to hide from him for over a year. Now I am married to a great guy for 10 years, and it is so different he has never abused me. My x still lives in the same town and tries to contact me once in a while through my kids. NO WAY! I have nothing to do with him. My advice to anyone who gets out of an abusive relationship, never go back they will never change.

• You can't want yourself if someone is beating you down everyday. You go into survival mode. It's not necessarily about being needy. Low self esteem, depression - there can be so many reasons a person is more susceptible to an abuser. Controlling people know what to do to get what they want from the people in their lives. They are quite adept at fooling you into thinking that you have no where to turn but to them. Sometimes it is insecurity that causes these women to stay with abusers but I also believe that some people are skilled manipulators. They find a weakness and play on it. Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse - they abuse someone, feel guilty, lull a person into thinking that this time they've changed and that you are the person who can help them change for good all the while they are fantasizing how they are going to make you pay for "what you've done wrong" and they set a person up to fail so that they can make them pay. I just think it is an ugly cycle and also a hard one to break.

• A new Kentucky law going into effect tomorrow is designed to keep you safer in your home. It requires accused domestic abusers to wear electronic tracking devices. These ankle bracelets will become a big part of "Amanda's Law" tomorrow. The bill allows judges to order those violating domestic violence orders to wear a tracking device. This may not help in every case, but hopefully will save some lives.

• "This story is horrible! I can understand why she might have taken him back, I've been in an abusive relationship before, the man breaks you down mentally and then physically, you think that there is no one else out there who would want you and that you'll never get anyone better and if you ever do find someone else then they'll be exactly the same or worse." How about start learning to WANT YOURSELF?!?! What is it with people needing to be with somebody when they couldn't even make a friend out of themselves. I think needy people are quite disgusting!

• Oh then there is the reasoning: It was MY fault he hit me! WTF? I hear this a lot in these stories. And in articles!. Who the hell ASKS to be beat up on a regular basis? Not me. Been there did that bought the tee shirt! I made avow never to be a punching bag for anyone ever again. and i haven't. dinner not ready, hit kids noisy, hit no money or drugs, hit lost job, hit house not spick and span cleaned, hit I see NO equation that matches here! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!

• To many times we see that restrianing orders dont do the job they are suppose to. We have had many domestic killings here in MA. The restraining orders only work, if the police are called in time. But way too many are not able to make that life saving call. All to sad. But fact remains, even "safe" houses are safe anymore. There are so many of them in every city or town, and the abusers are locating them. or worst, the family runs to another family member and that gets everyone killed as well. We had a nasty one here about 18 yrs ago. wife left with 2 children. had court order of protection (that's what it's called here), she was staying with her sister next door to me. Middle of night, husband broke into home. Killed Brother in law in kitchen. sister in law was in room trying to protect kids (her 4 and sister's 2) by laying on top of them. This scum shot her 8 times (reloaded gun numerous times- shot gun btw). Killed her, her 4 kids and his 2. Couldn't find wife. so went out back door and shot self in mouth! newspaper carrier found his body a few hours later. then the family was found. I was out of town so no one was home. nearest neighbor was about 200 ft away. Claims never heard nothing. Very sad. I agree that self esteem is a prime reason for giving these scum a "open pass" to come back. But i agree it's the mental thoughts the guys brainwashes these young women with. No one will have you like me. Your fat so you wont get anyone new. Who's to say the next won't beat or sexually assult her children. its all about control!

• I always thought it was because those women had low self esteem and couldn't support themselves financially.

• Too true! A friend of mine similarly let her abusive "reformed" ex-husband come over, ostensibly to visit his young son. Instead he killed her with an ax on their front lawn, right in front of his son. He told the police that she made him do it. She was a bright, bright professional woman who made the fatally naive mistake of believing in the redemption of her abuser.

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