A Reader's Ultimate Date with a Guy Who Ran the Choking on Food Scam
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 9:48 am
"Once a guy took me out for dinner, at a Roast Beef place, for those familiar with the fine establishment, it was Lions Choice. This was after he asked if I liked the place & I told him I don't eat meat. So, he was already batting a 10.
"He also pulled up to my house,(Gramma will like this) he....honked. 4 times. When he finally stomped in his little man boots up the 3 stairs & knocked on the door, my brother answered & the guy said, "I've been honking for your sister." My, at the time 15 year old brother says, "Yeah, we haven't raised that bitch well."
"I was dumb enough to leave with him, so everything after was my fault. He took a vegetarian, who does not eat fried foods to a meat & french fries joint. He ordered his food (2 sandwiches, large fries & fried pie. Me, I had an unsweet iced tea.
"He got most of the way through his food when he started hacking & gagging, then as the on-duty manager came out, idiot started banging on his chest with his fists, like he was a drum. He went at this for 2 or 3 minutes until a huge chunk of food barreled across the table.
"Needless to say, I was quite enraptured with him. Date dork starts hacking & spitting & yelling at the manager about how his food could choke someone to death, had I only been so lucky. The manager then apologizes to the tool & gives his over $20 in coupons.
"We get back into the parking lot & get into his hoop dee car, OH....the passenger side would not open leaving me to open & close the passenger door when I entered after Mr Wonderful. At that point he tells me, "I was not choking, its a scam I use. I eat a big meal, get most of the way through & then pretend to choke on a huge piece of food. Works almost every time."
"I was left at a loss for words, I was also 20, so my quick repartee of snarky comments had yet to bolster its bitterness as that does not develop until one is older & burned. Again, I was the bigger dumb ass because I chose to get in his love mobile (his description of his broken ass, busted up, rusted out primer orange late 70's Buick Regal with rusted shit doors & cracked windows, ALL the windows.
"So we were headed to my house, but first a stop at his swanky, efficiency apartment above a dirty bar so he could call him Mom & oh, why don;t we stop by her hotel (she LIVED in a cheap bug filled piss smelling hotel 'apartment'. As I walked by the door I could hear him telling his Mom, "I think I'll get laid from this bitch though she still needs training." WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR MOM?
"He came out of his seedy hole in the wall & was carrying a big stick. He proceeds to inform me, in vivid & nauseatingly detailed words about the guys how are after won't hurt us if were to carry this stick. He said he was a master kung fu artist & the stick was more security that a gun. He went on to say he'd protect me though I was hopping he'd trip over the stick & break his neck so I could be free.
"After much bitching on my part he finally took me home & tried to kiss me *gag* Its 20 years later & my brother still won"t let me live it down."