Dan Duffy, Iowa Chiropractor, Accused of Masturbating on Female Patient

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​The unnamed woman had gone to Dan Duffy’s strip mall chiropractic practice in Perry, Iowa for a back injury. She was lying on her stomach when Duffy pulled up her shirt and began messaging her lower back and butt. At some point he left the room…


But when he returned, the woman heard him unzip his pants, then beheld the familiar sound of a chiropractor wanking his manly sword.

It appears the woman actually stayed in the room for the duration of the exam, instead of punching him in the balls and fleeing, which is What Jesus Would Do.

But when she left Duffy’s office, her mom took her to the cops, who swabbed her back for DNA. Sure enough, the state crime lab found semen that just happens to match the DNA of our esteemed bone cracker.

According to KCCI-TV, Duffy has asked for a jury trial, and claims the stigma of the charge has ruined his life, even if he’s found to be innocent. But since it’s really, really hard to explain how your sperm came to land on the back of a patient, we’re guessing he won’t have to worry about that innocent part for too much longer.

See our last episode of crimes and medicine: Guadalupe and Alejandra Viveros, Morons of the Day: Ran Illegal and Incompetent Plastic Surgery Clinic.

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