Ladies and gentlemen, this might be the weirdest story in the history of ever. Jacquelyn Kotarac, a 49-year-old physician from Bakersfield, California, seemed to badly want to see her unnamed boyfriend. But her beau, as it turns out, thought Kotarac was a weirdo…
So while she tried to force her way into his house, he decided the better part of valor would be to sneak out another door, where he bolted to a friend’s house to spend the night.
But the good doctor Kotarac would not be denied. She wasn’t able to break down the door, but she seemed certain that her boyfriend was hiding within the house. So she decided to make like Santa Claus, climbing a ladder, scaling the roof, and dropping down the chimney.
Alas Kotarac, while plenty smart being a doctor and all, is not all that schooled in the art of home construction or Christmas myths. Santa, as it turns out, would have difficulty making it down a chimney due to modern construction techniques, which dictate that chimneys aren’t big enough for a human to slide comfortably down.
The next day she failed to show for work. So employees went to the boyfriend’s house to find her car, but no indication of her. They reported her missing.
The boyfriend, meanwhile, decided to bolt town for a little vacation, perhaps to flee his psycho girlfriend. But he did get someone to feed his fish while he was away. That’s when the housesitter noticed a wicked stench coming from the chimney. She looked up the flue, only to find the doctor’s body lodged there.
It took the Bakersfield Fire Department five hours to take apart the chimney and retrieve the body. While the case remains open, we’re guessing the final call will be death by stupidity.
See our last tale of stupid criminals: Colondra Hamilton, Moron of the Day: Busted for Masturbating While Driving.