John Keinath, Moron of the Day: Wanted to Name His Son After Gotti, Kill Nurse Who Laughed at Him



​No one did more to abet the decline of the Mafia than John Gotti, who preferred to peacock around town rather than quietly go about business. But that hasn’t stopped poseur rappers and wannabe tough guys from trying to emulate his showy bad-guyism…

That includes John Keinath, an attempted tough guy from Everett, Washington. His criminal history includes pinches for a drive-by shooting, an assault with a pipe, domestic violence and car chases with police.

Unfortunately, there’s a woman in Everett also dumb enough to procreate with him. They had a baby in March, and Keinath announced he wanted to name his son after Gotti. A nurse at the hospital naturally laughed at him, because that’s what you do when presented with precious little ideas from morons.

But Keinath could take this insult lying down. Before storming out of Stevens Hospital, he told the nurse, “I’m
going to put a cord around your neck, strangle you until you die, throw
you in a ditch, and no one will ever know who did it,”
according to the Everett Herald. He was charged with felony harassment and freed on bail.

His threat would normally be construed as idle bravado. But it seems our man Keinath is an insecure little tough guy. The idea that a nurse would laugh at his idiocy couldn’t go unpunished. So he spent the past few months trying to trick hospital workers into providing the nurse’s identity.

It seems he finally accomplished that task, and had been telling others of his intent to harm the woman. But just as police were closing in to arrest his ass, surveillance cameras at his home tipped him off to the raid. He bolted before he could be arrested.

Then he posted a message taunting U.S. Marshals on his MySpace page: “(Expletive) the us marshalls you were so close!”

This, of course, only made the feds more devoted to arresting his ass. When he was finally busted last week, he happened to be carrying a rock of meth the size of a softball.

He’s now back in jail on a $1 million bond. We’re not sure if he’s smart enough to count all the felonies that will soon be leveled against him.

See yesterday’s episode of Moron of the Day:
Anthony Bertolone Drugged, Raped Fellow Frat Brother at Drake University.