Loni Turner Refused Restraining Order, Shot to Death by Ex-Boyfriend Erin Ross

• @angry friend- yes i knew amber somewhat briefly, i used to work with her a few yrs ago. the one special memory i have of her was the day i begged her to sing for me and she did and i cried it was so beautiful. you are right she was very bubbly, positive person with a HUGE heart, everyone loved her. and yes the world would tuly be a better place with more "ambers" in it. you sound very close to her, i am sorry for your loss of a dear friend. RIP AMBER...

• @ Stacey Did you know Amber? I was wondering because you said she could sing and she really could! A Great Beautiful and Bubbly person, which is what the world needs more of is gone, but never forgotten. RIP AMBER...

• @ tom...i have to say that u are a small minded, miserable little man. u read thru the lines and assumed awful things about amber. as a person who has and still is to a degree a prisoner of fear u don't have the right to label her. nobody knows what that guy put her thru and what promises were made. when u know a person has head worms and the ability to act on them u do whatever u can to keep the peace, u do things when faced with rage and fear to appease ur abuser. if i was a degenerate like u and read between the lines and assume u were gay. u little sir are no better than her murderer with ur assed up way of thinking. to the rest of you i have noticed its all been about the restraining order and if the judge was rt or wrong (which no question, he was wrong!). what about the police and their not performing their job. what about the 25-30 calls placed to police and all of them disregarded. are we not taught to take threats seriously? and to have to prove that she was in danger is ridiculous, the fact that she was scared and felt danger should have been enough. i would rather have d rather have my tax dollars go to stopping sick people than paying for death row inmate to appeal his death sentence for 22 yrs.(true story). what makes more sense? pay to protect and save people or pay to sustain people in jail who have already murdered? amber was a beautiful, sweet, talented(she could SING!) woman and is now and forever sadly missed. RIP Amber...

• I'm sorry for your loss, Angry Friend. I believe you. She was probably really great.. I'm really sorry.

• @TOM I would like to say that you didn't even know the kind of person Amber was. He had been stalking her for a long time and I don't believe what this little artical has to say about them sleeping with each other on occasion. I have read a hundred of these articals on her story and this is the first one that I have seen that bull crap on just to let you know. She was a great person and loved by so man people. Can you honestly say that if you died people would care about you as much? In our small town the held a candle lighting in rememberance of her with over 200 people there, and that doesn't include all the people gathering in Flordia at the nursing home she used to work at. I grew up with Amber and my dad was best friends with her dad, she was like a sister to me. I have to tell you that you really disgust me and all I know to do is pray for you. But if your going to have a comment like that about someone, just keep it to yourself. Trust me you would be doing us all a favor.

• Thank you guys so much. "opening up to strangers can be easier than opening up to people that you think will judge you." I think you are right. Although I guess I even had fears of people judging me here. I am one of those personalities that typically hide everything, smile and stay quiet. @cw, I stay in defense mode because I fear that once my defenses are down, he will use that opportunity. It doesn't matter, though, his attacks are the reason my defenses run so high. Writing these things out seems to help me sort through my thoughts a lot. I never realized this... I feel like I am being torn apart by logic and emotion. Well, maybe it's logic and fear, I don't know. Logically I know certain things but emotionally I become frozen in fear and anxiety ridden.. There have been times I haven't bothered making plans for the future because I did give up, even if I didn't mean to. My mom has really been my strength and at times I feel guilty for that. Guilty that I put her in this situation and guilty for feeling like a burden at 26 years old! I used to be much more independent, especially emotionally... Even physically. I used to think I could kick someone's ass- Until I found out couldn't even defend myself. How does that even happen. Whoa. Anyway, his guns are registered (Well, I think they all are).. How you can buy guns with two DUI's is beyond me. That is the type of stuff that makes me very angry.. And anyone that thinks he's entitled to those guns should just go spend one night with him.. Like shannie said, guns aren't for everyone and I am still trying to get over my fear of the actual gun. The smell of the gun powder, the noise, everything. My ex would make it a point to obsessively count and rearrange his bullets and make me watch. ugh. When he and I first got together, you know when I was his princess and he couldn't get enough of me, making me feel guilty when I couldn't be with him, following me room to room (I had no idea this was obsessive and controlling behavior at the time, I thought he was just sooo in love with me that much!!!!!) I accepted the guns thinking he simply was just a gun enthusiast until he started becoming violent. Of course I hid the fact that he had multiple guns from everyone, afraid of what they might think.. Because that's just what I do- Don't say anything. I do have a knife as well, cw... and a police baton that my mom was able to score from my cousin. As for the police, I just don't want to go there until I believe he wouldn't get out because I know what would happen if he did. It's that simple. I can make all the complaints I want.. but I don't want to press his buttons. In his delusional mind, he still thinks we could be together and with his mistrust in the government, I feel making any complaint without enough to put him away for a good while would only intensify his rage for me. My cousin, the one who gave my mom the baton is a police officer but not for the city. My mom did tell him what is going on to an extent and he does understand why people are disillusioned with the system that is supposed to protect people but did encourage us to file a report next time he shows up here or anywhere. Ok, I don't know if I made any sense, forgive me if I didn't but wow it took a lot to write. I am very happy to be among friends.. Thank you guys so much.. I know I keep saying it but that's because I keep meaning it.

• @Chicamasha does your employer have a business in a different city? and could you ask them to transfer you? this tends to work if the stalker does not have any connections with the victim's workplace. and if you do move. do NOT let your neighbors know. and if the stalker knows your friends. do not let them know. as well. do NOT post it on your facebook or other networking accounts. . @Deeda I agree with the others. get the training to be cert in gun ownership. even if you do not own one. . both of you. the stalkers ARE hoping that you feel terrorized. they love it when they feel they are the ones calling the shots. TAKE that feeling away from them by learning on how to defend yourselves. but do NOT get cocky in thinking the training is the tops. do try to learn more than one style of defense. including the street styles. do learn to think on how anything and everything around you can be a weapon. including the attacker's unders. do NOT fall into a routine on how you do your life. vary the routes and what you do on those routes. keep alert at all times. and looking back, even though you believe that a restraining order does no good. if you got it. it points out that you consider him, or her a risk to your life. this goes for both males and females. and yes, females can be threatened by other females. and risk losing their life. and it can be used against him or her in a court of law to point out that the person is to be kept alot longer than the judge might think the person should be.

• Deeda-you're among cyber friends here :D I've been through it, nothing physical (he tried once but I dropped him) but mental and emotional abuse for way too long. I agree with the others, arm yourself but do it in an educated way. I never leave home without my knife, my firearm sleeps with me. You will see-I believe-that when you're educated on your defense you'll feel empowered as alexa said. Part of that education is getting out of the "defense" mode and going into "offense" mode. You'll get there...

• Deeda, it's good that you have opened up. Even if it only helps a little, opening up to strangers can be easier than opening up to people that you think will judge you. However, about the gun thing. My first husband killed himself and prior to that, had held the gun up to me and literally scared the crap out of me. I don't fear guns because I have always been around them, but I fear idiots with guns. Because of this, I have not allowed any into my house until recently. I have found a safe that only operates by reading your fingerprint. Some of them can hold multiple fingerprints, but I am the only one that has access to my gun. I feel much safer this way. I can keep it near the bed and won't have to worry about children or some crazy man getting to it and something terrible happening. You may want to think about that. Also, I'm sure there are firing ranges near you. You can go to a place like that and ask someone to train you on gun safety, give you ideas on what type you may need, and can even teach you to shoot and become more confident. If you decide to get one, I advise something along those lines.

• @Deeda, =) yay! I did see you were online at other posts but commenting was so difficult for me, I couldn't get anything to go through most of the day. I'm hoping that the site has stabilized and that this comment will go through easily. @Shannie, thanks amiga, it means something to me when you and the others here I respect think I've said something worthwhile. ;) And jojo, thanks for the ups too. @Deeda, Shannie is right to reassure you that trolls and cruel commenters will sometimes pick on anyone for no good reason and be abusive, but the way to deal with them is to ignore them. Literally. And she, cw, and I will come over if we're online and see it happening. ;) I understand why commenting here can seem like an odd place to share your closely kept to yourself feelings, fears and explore ideas. It makes sense and it is a good resource for good listeners, people with similar life experience and with good ideas. The internet is a wild and fascinating organism. There are, by the way, a lot of videos on Yoothboob of people of various skill levels and maturity *ahem* demonstrating how to shoot X weapon. Try to ignore those that clearly are morons. They're pretty obvious. Do pay attention to those who stress safety first, last, always, and do not treat the gun like a toy or a joystick. Look for videos of women shooting. You know what it's like to see men handling guns. You need to start picturing yourself handling a gun, and in a way that makes you feel good about yourself. I know corneredcat.com doesn't have any videos on her site, but she might have a channel at Yoothboob. Anyway, I'm so glad to see you here today and to know that you aren't just going to keep taking it. You move at your speed and do what you can with confidence. And we'll be here cheering you on!

• Deeda, the fact that you're even able to talk about your fears shows that you're not giving up. Even if its writing on this thread to complete unknowns. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and if a troll or a mean spirited poster wants to make themselves feel superior to you by saying cruel things, just ignore them. Everything you said about looking into self defense and learning different techniques to protect yourself are great ideas. Google, google, google! :) I was never in a situation like yours Deeda, but that doesn't mean I think your at fault for what you're going through and no one deverves to be scared for their lives. Talk with your mom and sister and get a plan going. This guy sounds like he's not too far from putting himself behind bars. All those guns(are they registered?), the kooky government stuff? Maybe a call to a Government dept.(ATF, Homeland Security, FBI) would close the deal? I don't know, just throwing things out there :), stay safe. Stiff upper lip girl!! :)

• @shannie Thank you for your kind words and support. I agree that it doesn't take much to send an unstable man over the railing, especially one with alcoholism which is why I have been trying so hard to tread carefully. I've avoided the posts asking why the woman continued to sleep with the guy even though she was scared of him.. Though I am not her, I think I understand why. I've done the same thing.. You just try to please him and keep him happy and rid yourself of your own mind. My biggest fear is making him feel threatened by me.. Especially unprepared. If I do have the upper hand, I want to make sure that he has no idea. I guess some people can never really know unless they go through it themselves and I would rather people be left ignorant than "understand". I do keep records and documents of everything. I will tell you guys my fear.. I do it all right by the law and he spends a couple nights in jail or something (Nothing he hasn't done before) and he gets out and is more scary than before. Anyway, I am leaning towards the idea of getting a gun.. Like I said above, my mom wanted to get one but understood how terrified they make me feel. Like she said last night, there is no one in this house that would do those things to you.. But I would be lying if I said they still didn't terrify me because of him. I guess I also dismissed the idea of any type of self-defense class because he is such a large guy and can beat my ass in a minute and with a gun, I just roll my eyes in my head. God, I really have given up. Looking at the post I made when I opened up about this, I said "I try not to live in fear and like a victim but I'm sure there are days that I let him get to me and I fail". That's hardly the truth I guess, I just didn't want any trolls to call me weak and bash me. I didn't even know why I was being so open in the first place, I guess because I've seen so many others on here be able to share their stories. I do want to take self-defense classes.. I don't know much about them or where they are offered.. I will google it. I know my worst problem is not talking enough, to my mom and stuff. I get embarrassed and I hide things.. Not for him.. But it only benefits him. The other security measure I've been able to take is he lost his license to two DUI's so other than cabs, and well, you know I have talked to the sane people in his life and they have told me they won't drive him over here or tell him that I asked them not to. It's like I'm doing these things, and I want to do more.. I just don't want him to know

• Hey Deeda:), you are among people who care and people who have the knowledge to give good solid advice. Dylan gave you some really good info, but I, very much like Alexa believe in my 2nd amendment right. Alexa has a way with words and if you really read into what she's saying you can come to be free. Free of the worry, and the feelings that your ex has put in you. Man, when you said he was talking anti-gov and hording firearms, Waco jumped right into my head. This ex of yours may not be that far gone but it doesn't take much to send an already unstable male over the railing. Guns aren't for everyone, but there is no harm in following some of the advice Alexa posted and training yourself. I look forward to seeing your posts around this place and hope the best for you, your sister and mother. Stay safe, protect yourself :D Alexa, great posts! :)

• Hey alexa, I am here! How are you this afternoon? I am still so thankful for the kind words :)

• 8th attempt to post comment Good morning all! How is everyone today. I came here first to see if Deeda is here. *warm smile* I mean every word and I did want you to take them seriously. More women need to stick together, virtually and otherwise. I hope you are around here and commenting at another post. ;)

• I am so thankful and impressed by the level of support I have received from you guys and I hope you know how much I'm touched and so very thankful. @alexa, I am pretty much at a loss for words. You never sugarcoat your words so I am inclined to take them as the truth. Not just someone trying to make me feel good for the moment and will forget my name and situation come tomorrow and I am just blown away by the support.

• Great post Alexa

• In response to Tom - You know nothing about this lovely young lady that was taken all to soon so you need to keep your negative comments to yourself. Our entire community is grieving because WE KNEW AMBER. She graduated with our children, she went to church, she was involved in her hometown community even when she came home for a visit. For you to post what you did is completely unacceptable. I only hope and pray that you, sir, never have to go through what her family, friends, and community are going through. You should be ashamed of yourself; judging people you know nothing about - SHAME ON YOU JERK!!!!!

• She continued to sleep with him because she was wondering if it might work, is my guess. I've had friends who have done that - and one is now married to a control freak. If you're raised to be passive you think, "Hey, he's really into me. Maybe ...." But he was just too crazy (obviously) and she knew it would never work. Even if you find yourself in the weapon-purchasing stage of a relationship, you don't have to shoot to kill. Just take em down a couple pegs. A restraining order doesn't mean much if the police are going to be slow to respond when he's standing outside your house playing the violin (or waving a knife around).

• @Deeda, first let me ask you to please visit and read from cover to cover corneredcat.com. The woman who writes it imparts tremendous wisdom, practicality and reassurance. As a victim of a violent boyfriend who flipped out one day and who got arrested for attacking me, I need to say a couple of things out loud. One, you are the weapon, not the gun, not the mace, not the karate chop. You. That mass of brain matter in your skull is what makes you a force to contend with. Two, women, easily, women are the force multipliers of the power of the 2nd Amendment. We simply need to embrace it, love it, enjoy it, and be masters of it. It's really quite easy. Once you are lethally armed Deeda, you will walk different, you will speak different, you will emanate a natural authority that everyone will immediately notice. I don't mean you'll suddenly be all macho and have a silly swagger. No, I mean you will feel stronger and that alone will shine from you naturally, without you lifting a finger. The threats to your family will become nothing but torn paper in the wind once your boyfriend sees you being the unstoppable, uncowering force that you will become. Because he will wonder what the hell else is going on. Oh yes, he will. There are many steps your family can take, if they express resistance to arming themselves like you. They can speak frankly with their local police station. They can speak frankly with their neighbors. They can install a surveillance camera system. They can carry mace and practice memorizing license plate numbers and car descriptions and person characteristics--big ears, low forehead, bumpy nose, thin lips, droopy ears, etc., etc. *grin* Most of all, they can take self-defense classes with you, for I promise you, I promise you Deeda, they will HAPPILY take such classes to help you be rid of your abuser. If you speak with them frankly, they will circle around you and they will discover their inner bad ass. Oh, let me tell you, nothing will make a memory like hearing your sister promise to rip his lungs out through his sinuses and fry them up for the dog and look at you like oh yeah, she would. It will make you feel ten feet tall. Cooperate fully with the prosecutor's office when or if it comes to his being arrested, and charges being filed. Tell them the following: "Tell me how I can help you to help me." They will take you very seriously at that point. Do exactly as they instruct concerning the protection order. While I agree in part with Dylan and other commenters here, I disagree with his suggestion that you should not enjoy your 2nd Amendment Right. If anyone should immediately arm themselves, it's women. And the able disabled and the able elderly. Don't fall for the pre-victimization blather that there are studies that suggest that people are killed by their own weapons bla bla bla bla. Oh please! Those people didn't prepare properly. It's not that hard, and it doesn't take long at all. Again, please, take a class in Krav Maga and go read corneredcat.com. We want to see you commenting here for a long time to come Deeda. You are among friends here, always. You belong with us and we will not tolerate anyone hurting you anymore. Do you hear me? =) Be bold, be daring, do not back down, you deserve to rescue yourself and no one can do it better than you can. We mean it. I mean it. I hope to see you tomorrow Deeda. =)

• To all the gun enthusiasts here...i have but this to say.. It's better to be safe than dead. Even if you end up having to do time for possessing a firearm as a felon as long as it's in self defense. The law, in all its intents and purposes is meant to protect only the priviledged few in society so that the rest can put themselves in prison.

• @ Chicamasha "you are a twisted, sick, maggot of a person. She is a whore because she was not married and having sex? And as a result, you think she is worthy of death? I hope very much that if you have children, especially daughters, they be removed from your home pronto. The only thing more dangerous than a obsessed stalker is a religious extremist. Bomb any buildings lately? Idiot!" watch any Fox news or read any "news"papers lately? it's funny how the very same people who accuse others of religious indifference are actually religious themselves. God is an idiot, thank you very much. And marriage, especially between a man and woman is G-A-Y any way you slice it. bigotry, and especially blaming people for being even REMOTELY religious, displays your ignorance to a T.

• jj, I WISH it were that easy!!

• Deeda, It wouldn't be easy but you might feel safer if you moved yourself and your family far away from the ex creep! Good luck and I hope you remain safe!

• A restraining order is meant to be a cumulative threat against breaking the law in some manner of form. There ARE frivilous ones'(as one poster stated above when being put against a child) which, though is not the reason for, ADDS to the lack of response on Police Response. I have said this before but a Restraining Order, when handled as it is supposed to, is actually a very useful tool to have as it gives the Police a reason to arrest an otherwise dangerous person and allows that person to breathe a little easier. For one, however, it does not replace personal responsibility. It has been said but one SHOULD take Self-Defense/Gun Handling classes along-side owning and carrying a Taser/Pepper spray, one should be aware(even if you DON'T have a restraining order/stalker) of ones' surroundings at any and all time and keep oneself always with an exit. Case in point. When I walk into my local Grocery Story I always glance around for any immediate exits, I do this without really making a physical effort but making a mental image, I check for anything that may or may not block my exit and make note so that if something DOES happen and I am unable to handle it I know where I can go. I also make an unconscious mental check on anyone approaching me for any apparent bulges(I.E. concealed weapons) this even in grocery stores is always a good thing to practice as it, more often than not, can save your life. When I'm walking alone I keep my eye on my surroundings, if it is at night or there is little to no light I do NOT listen to or on my mp3 player. If you do not have a clear visibility your other senses(even smell) need to be keen and aware. While this sounds like something out of some Army Training video it isn't and they are not methods that require very much in the way of effort, just willingness. Take Self-Defense Classes, have the Police on your speed dial(if you have a cell-hone), know your exit and entry points at all time and be AWARE of your surroundings, this isn't just some silly rhetoric, it's ESSENTIAL survival skills in EVERY situation. As for back on Restraining Order's, they're supposed to make it so that if a guy is obviously breaking it and DOES mean harm he will go to jail for intent and be documented for it but as has been said, the police and justice system treat it like a joke and all too often the offenders' realize that and violate it anyway.

• I don't believe the restraining order would have stopped him, it didn't stop my ex from breaking it every other day just to harass me. Sure, my ex would get arrested, but all they'd do is stick him in jail for four days. Yeah, a big punishment that was. Still, she should have been given a restraining order. Sometimes restraining orders are hard to get though because like any other crime, people lie. Mine was easy to get because of the proof I had, but they should have at least looked into the situation whether they offered her one or not. People shouldn't have to live in fear.

• WHY DID SHE CONTINUE TO SLEEP WITH HIM IF SHE NO LONGER WANTED TO BE WITH HIM? Yes, I am yelling!

• @Deeda Which is why you need to do what Chica has suggested. Document and save EVERYTHING he sends you, when you get a gut feeling he's going to do something crazy start submitting it. With enough evidence and proof of INTENT he can still be arrested if he shows violent intent.

• Just as gun control laws, won't stop criminals from obtaining guns a restraining order won't stop a murderer. If someone goes before a court with evidence that their life is in danger, the judge shouldn't be issuing a restraining order. The judge should be issuing an arrest warrant. And bail shouldn't be invoked until a thorough psychological examination has been performed!

• @Sarah, that is what I mean.. there is no doubt in my mind my ex would not hesitate to pull the trigger- I would.

• I wouldn't even know how to prove he has threatened me with a gun which is why I haven't bothered to try.. He would be livid to think I was trying to get his guns taken away. Let me give you a bit more information on him. Like I said, he is very paranoid.. He believes that "9/11 was an inside job and the government is gonna try to start some shit so we better be prepared". I don't care what you believe in, but when you start collecting an arsenal and mumble about the government it becomes a little too reminiscent of David Koresh for me. Like the woman above was failed, I fear that I would be failed and the thought that I turned on him like that will have deadly consequences. My biggest fear is that he is going to go after my mom and sister. I know that he was always jealous of them whenever I wanted to do something with them and I believe that he thinks they took me away from him.

• @Sarah, yes, I totally agree. If you are not frightened enough to where you are willing to use a gun, then don't get one. I got to the point where I was absolutely frightened enough. By that point, I was willing to use the gun in order to defend myself. Lucky for me (or unlucky), the stalker had gotten a plane ticket and sent me an advance of everything he was going to do to me, including pictures of my face attached to the bodies of dead women sexually mutilated. I still have nightmares about these photos. The FBI got him that night on charges of using interstate communications to threaten. The local cops were still knitting themselves pretty sweaters, but the FBI slammed this guy quick and hard. I can see why the FBI so dislikes local LE. The latter is entirely useless. But yes, I totally agree on being willing to use a gun. That was the first thing I was advised when I went to buy a gun.

• Deeda, you have to do what you are comfortable with. Ultimately you have to decide if guns scare you more than he does (and he has guns). Would you rather be on equal footing and defend yourself? I noted above, you can go to your local LE and take gun handling and safety classes. If he has already threatened you with a gun, that is a felony in most states. But if you fear going to LE because it would enrage him more, then get prepared before you go. Take self defense classes, set up phone recording equipment, put up a video camera, get a gun and learn how to safely use it. Then, with all of this in place, then you go for the restraining order. If/When this enrages him and he calls you, you have it recorded or if he comes over, you have it videotaped. And if he dares to try to hurt you, you can defend yourself and yes, if need be, shoot him. But you have to be frightened enough first to get over your fear of guns. I hate guns, but I slept a whole lot better with one in my house after the stalking started. Just my 2 cents.

• @Deeda, that's really a crappy situation you got there. Sorry to hear and I hope you and your family remains safe. I'm not so sure getting a gun would've helped her. A gun's no good if you're not willing to use it and the other person is. Pull out a gun to someone who also has a gun and hesitate for just one second and you're dead because the crazy ass holding the other gun isn't going to hesitate. @Chicamasha, I read it like you did, that they were sleeping together and then stopped and he went crazy then.

• You're right not to own a gun Deeda, there are statistics that show that those who have guns are more prone to those same gun deaths but if he's such a clear and obvious threat to you and HAS threatened you then start recording the threats he's making, record everything and do everything you can to document such things'. What you need to do is work this for yourself, document the times' he's showing up around you, save any messages he sends you via the internet or by phone, if he's being threatening or threatening your life or makes threats that indicate he's going to harm you in such a way it is still possible to skip the Restraining Order and go for an arrest. I understand(though can never fully since I'm not you) what you're going through, in a failing justice system that more and more rewards those with money and power and ignores those without while persecuting them it is difficult to make others' see the dangers that some are going through, especially in cases like these but you do NOT have to be afraid as you are. Buy a taser and mace, carry it with you, take Self-Defense classes in whatever off-time you can afford, you'd be amazed how empowering those can be, also, even if you DON'T own a Gun take classes and get licensed for such, often times it is enough just to know HOW to handle one properly to get out of such a dangerous position.

• @Sherri... my advice to all women having been a victim of stalking myself is that do whatever you have to in order to protect yourself. Know the law too. For example, learn the laws in your state regarding property and what self defense means under the legal statutes. Because if, like say in Florida, you can simply shoot someone on sight for being on your property, then you have more tools than you realize. Get a gun, and most importantly, learn how to use it. The local LE offices have classes usually. Learn how to safely handle the weapon and how to safely store it. But do not dare consider using it until you are ready, willing, and able to pull the trigger. Then let's see him come at you. As long as my stalker had me frightened, he was winning. He did not even have to be near me to be hurting me, because he scared me into total paranoia. But the moment I decided that I was not going to be afraid anymore, is the moment he could no longer hurt me. If you are not comfortable with a gun, take a self defense class or learn how to use basic household objects as weapons. Use a camera to document his stalking if need be. Record all conversations and calls (I did this extensively). Document each incident as specifically as possible. You have many avenues by which to handle this with. Good luck.

• This disgusts me, how are we supposed to convince others' that Restraining Orders ARE good when stupid Judges don't enact them when there's a clear need for them? Oi. They aren't bull, not exactly, its' the lack of seriousness Police Officers and the Justice System are now giving to such things, they are meant to be a clear and direct showing of potential harm from one person to the next and with a keen and watchful eye and willing and co-operative P/Os. Damn.

• A lot of people keep bringing up a gun.. On another story too.. I can't remember which one, atm. For me, personally.. I'm in a situation where my ex boyfriend is crazy as hell. Like I said, I would get a restraining order is A) I thought it would do any good and B) I wasn't terrified it would just enrage him further. About the guns.. My ex owns multiple guns already and would torment me with them. I am no good with a gun. He used to try to teach me how to shoot and the only reason I would try so hard to learn was just in case I had to use one on him. Even with a gun, I still feel powerless because I feel like he can so easily access his and has no regard for life. I try not to live in fear and like a victim but I'm sure there are days that I let him get to me and I fail. Guns terrify me because I guess I let the man behind the gun terrify me if that makes sense.. Because it makes no sense that if I'm the one behind the gun that, that weapon is just gonna go off on me? I guess too that I fear if I had a weapon, and he had a weapon, what really would happen then? Would we have some kind of gun fight? Sometimes I think maybe he won't go crazy if I don't pose a threat.. Ya, how's that working for me *eye roll* I'm most scared that he is going to go after my family.. It makes everything worse that he's a paranoid alcoholic who "doesn't like safety's on my guns, I prefer to point and shoot" Sorry, I don't mean to drop off my baggage here, I know no one here is my bellboy. I could go on and on.. My mom keeps saying that we need a gun.. I am just so so scared of ever having one in the home again thinking I'm going to wake up and have it at the back of my head out of "undying love" or I'm even scared to lay on my side opposite of the door thinking I won't hear the footsteps and BANG, that's it.. Wow, never meant to get sooo personal.. Feels kinda good to vent though Thanks for listening

• the system regarding restraining orders are all bull anyway. for years i was emotionally and physically abused, so after i got fed up, or grew a set either one. i went in and tried to get a restraining order. since at the time i didn't have a mark on me, judge said no. but in return since i tried to do that against him he turned around and used it as harassment and one was put on for him and our son. i don't think that the restraining order would have stopped him, but at least it would have let her sleep better for a few nights.

• we have to take our safety and the safety of our family very seriously

• @god's cop, I think they broke up and on occasion slept together, but then she ended it entirely for good, which is when he went psycho. That is how I read it. as for bringing "this on herself," please see my response to Tom and consider it a response to you as well.

• @CW, thank you. I seriously considered it when I was being stalked by a man I did not know (or sleep with Tom). The guy saw me, then tracked me down and threatened me for nearly two years. The police did nothing. Had they not eventually stepped in (and it took him actually embarking on a plan of action), I had already talked to some folks (who know some folks) about breaking this guys legs. I think stalking should be treated like rape - because honestly, I felt raped every single day for nearly two years by this psycho. And I did get a gone. The restraining order would not have protected me when he decided to make his move (which is when he was taken into custody). He only got two years and I tell you now, I am frightened to death that he will get out and try to hurt me. So believe me, the leg-breaking thing is still way on the table.

• Did I miss something? I don't get the part about her being in fear for her life and wanting a restraining order, yet they "still slept together on occasion" and her ending up at his hotel the night she was murdered. As much as the judge may have been at fault for not issuing the restraining order, she also brought this on herself.

• how the hell is a piece of paper going to protect you from am murderer? come on. if some guy is going to kill some girl and then himself im pretty sure a piece of paper isnt going to stop him.

• touche' alexa - time to take up arms and hammer them first

• If only she had armed herself first, she might have had a fighting chance of killing him before he could kill her, even if it would've been a "shootout." Don't show up to a gun fight with nail file.

• I like the leg breaking idea

• @Tom, you are a twisted, sick, maggot of a person. She is a whore because she was not married and having sex? And as a result, you think she is worthy of death? I hope very much that if you have children, especially daughters, they be removed from your home pronto. The only thing more dangerous than a obsessed stalker is a religious extremist. Bomb any buildings lately? Idiot!

• I doubt a restraining order would have stopped. If anything, the summons likely set him off. What she should have done is gotten a gun. Or - and I don't this to be a bad idea at all when your life is in danger - you ask a few male friends to go over to this sicko's house and break both his legs. I am so sick of how law enforcement treats cases of stalking and how many women they put in danger as a result.

• The only certain restraining order is a 9mm or 40cal round (or two) to the stalker/perp.

• Thats what happens to whores. They get killed by whackos. She wasn't married and was still having sex with a guy she broke up with? She doesn't deserve to live in my book and neither does he.

• Typical response to a murder due to a restraining order. I agree with Timmy. Judges are only human. And after so many crap filings, they get where they can't tell which is true or not. I also agree with Sarah. It's 100% true. No piece of paper is going to stop a murder. Unless a person who is being threaten is put under arrese for their protection, there is not that law can do unless the other person has done something. and unless the police see the person breaking a restraining order, it's a case of he said she said. To many die because of restraining orders. Half the time, the cops won't even serve it on the prep in time. here the prep gets his hand delivered by the cops, wheither they are in court or not. It's suppose to validate the address of the person being served. Most times it's a fraud. But it's still the same. if murder is decided, then it will happen with or without a piece of paper.

• In my countless years in law enforcement I have seen and issued orders to ex-boyfriends, husbands, and wives....I agree that a piece of paper will hender a sick minded person from harming another...we need a better strategy to help the victims that file these orders....sad situation...bless the victim's and thier family

• I agree that a Restraining Order this late probably wouldn't have saved this young girl's life, although it couldn't have hurt either. It may have been a different story had she gotten one back in April instead of waiting until things got unbearably bad 4.5 months later. Generally, most understand that a Restraining Order is not another way to say "I Love You", and it could have nipped the unhealthy obsession in the bud before it turned murderous. Unfortunately some States have some odd criteria for Restraining Orders. I know in my State you must have had sexual relations within the past 90 days to get a Restraining Order. So, if someone is stalking you whom you haven't slept with, then you are just S.O.L. However, it is cases like this that bring about change in our Justice System. All it takes is one successful lawsuit against the State to convince them to change their procedures. I know in my State, after the parents of a girl sued the State after she was murdered on the steps to the Courthouse immediately after she had asked for a Restraining Order against her ex to be lifted, our State changed their policy to not allow Restraining Orders to be lifted. It took them paying out $30 million dollars in damages before they considered doing such, but it was a change for the better. So, perhaps a lawsuit against the State might be needed in this case. It can't bring back their daughter, but it can make sure that this doesn't happen to others in the future.

• another woman taken too early by a jealous sack of shit-I get so tired of this...

• I don't think it would have made a difference, either but she still should have been granted one. It sounds weird, but I actually look up to the women who have the courage to get orders. I'm too scared to get one against my ex, I just fear it would set him off even further. I just feel like she should have been validated in her concerns, obviously. Very, very sad.

• I don't think it would have made any difference if she got the restraining order or not. This man was unstable enough to kill her and hisself. I dont think a peice of paper would have stopped him..

• I seriously doubt a restraining order would have stopped him. How many cases have there been a restraining order that still ended in bloodshed? He was obviously not in his right mind so I don't think he would've cared that a piece of paper told him he couldn't go near her. Sad stuff.

• Agreed timmy. Too many overgrown babies are parading around like responsible right-havers and mucking it up for the rest of us.

• This is why I get so furious over the petty and frivilous people that use the justice system that are just being spiteful. Because people like to play games and call wolf, when there really is a legitimate danger it is like pulling teeth to be taken seriously.

• Restraining orders are not worth the paper they are printed on!It's a shame!God Bless her family

• I hope her family sues the living shit out of that judge!!!!!! He should be removed from the freakin bench and is a disgrace to the robe the wears... Because of his lack of sensibility a woman is dead!!! I hope he thinks about that for the rest of his freakin life!!!!

• Sad sad sad

• I remember reading about a young lady who worked at Hooters and a customer became infatuated with her and kept harrassing her for about 2 years. She was refused a restraining order by a Judge and was eventually gunned done in a murder suicide by her stalker.

TotalComments: 64