What Wouldn't Jesus Do?: Patrick McCabe Took His Pedophilia From Ireland to U.S. With Church's Complicity

​What's the best way to deal with a troublesome employee? Dump him on someone else. That's what the Archbishop of Dublin did, asking one of his Bishops to take child-molesting Irish priest Patrick Joseph McCabe off their hands. They sent him to Eureka, California, where he offered a repeat performance to earn his stripes in this week's What Wouldn't Jesus Do?...

​5. Jimmy Collins

A priest, a banker and a rube walk into a bar. The priest tells the rube, God needs more money because priests aren't cheap and the Fed's stopped Him from printing his own. The banker tells the rube that he'll give the church a loan in his name, and the priest says the church will cover the interest. In return, they'll bump him up to first class for his final flight on Salvation Airlines. Of course, it's no joke to ten parishioners of God's Worship Center in Macon, Georgia.

Former pastor Jimmy Collins conspired with BB&T Bank loan officer Steven Pittman conspired to take out more than $600,000 in loans on behalf of the church's parishioners from 2002 to 2008, using fraudulent and forged loan papers.

Collins allegedly sought out those that he felt lacked sophistication, and told them it was their Christian duty to obtain these loans in order to fulfill God's will for their lives. He told them they were at no personal risk, since the church would cover the cost of the loans (ignoring the hit it put on their credit). One couple incurred over $350,000 of debt, and accused Collins and Pittman of securing at least two loans without their knowledge.

A judge threw out the original charges against them last summer claiming there wasn't sufficient detail, but that was reversed on appeal. Rather than continue with the appeals process, the prosecutor chose to make new indictments under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization (RICO) act. BB&T bank has already settled five civil suits brought against them, along with Pittman and Collins.

​4. David Thompson

Reverend David Thompson was well-known to the members of Columbus, Ohio's World of Pentecost Church. He took over the pulpit from his father, George, in 1995, so it was an even bigger kick in the face when they discovered that from 1998 to 2007 the 47-year old preacher took more than $1 million while collecting a six-figure paycheck from the church. (Who knew being a man of God paid like working for the city of Bell, California?)

He forged a document giving him permission to borrow money on the church's behalf and used that money and church funds to pay for his quarter of a million dollar home. In 2000, he sold 19 acres of church property to the city of Columbus for over $900,000 and pocketed teh money. He spent it to put a swimming pool into his backyard, and on a $50,000 BMw and $30,000 Lincoln Navigator. 'Cause, you know, God demands class in its luxury vehicles.

Thompson falsified tax returns and church documents to hide the thefts, until a church secretary discovered money missing and reported it to the police. They spent two years investigating the case before Thompson was finally arrested last year. Last week, a grand jury returned a 23-count indictment.

A new civil lawsuit filed by church members is scheduled for mediation in November. (A judge threw out the original lawsuit.) The first lawsuit, filed in 2007, additionally cited Thompson's father, who after taking back the pulpit from his son told the congregation his son had "made a mistake." (Kinda like forgetting to set the VCR.) They must forgive him, Thompson said, and if they pressed his son for answers about the money, they were "children of the devil."

You have to admire such forthrightness and honesty after your son's stolen $1 million. You think he promised to ground him too?

​3. Irvin Bradley

As a man gets older, it gets harder to find appropriate people to engage with romantically. Many turn to the internet. Of course, 81-year old former Hanover, Virginia preacher Irvin Bradley might've looked for someone other than a 13-year old girl. (Maybe he was a big fan of Twilight and the Jonas Brothers.) At least that's how she portrayed herself as in the Yahoo chatroom.

Bradley made graphic descriptions of what he would like to do with/to her, and arranged to meet the child in Louisa, Virginia. Of course, it wasn't a 13-year old at all (surprise!) but a police investigator. Bradley said in a post-trial interview that he knew from the very first minute that it wasn't real, "that's why I asked the question, 'are you 13?'"

Bradley claims he simply traveled to Louisa to make sure the person he was talking to wasn't a 13-year old girl. (What a mensch!) The jury took less than 15 minutes to convict him and suggested the maximum sentence for the three counts of soliciting sex from a minor, 90 years. Don't let the jail door hit you on the ass!

​2.  Robert Dando

It's hard to imagine the rage the parents of the two boys who Reverend Robert Dando molested must feel. The British minister was a friend of the family, and they invited him into their Fairfax, Virginia house on several occasions between 1995 and 1999. He repaid the hospitality by molesting two boys, now aged 21 and 17, during his visits. The older child told police in December of last year, and Dando was arrested last week at a friend's house in Fairfax. (It's unclear whether he was staying with the same family, but if he was, we'd love to see/hear footage of that meeting.)

Chillingly, the 46-year old Dando works with the Boy's Brigade, a Christian youth organization of which his wife is the vice-president. Dando was an executive assistant to the president of the Baptist World Alliance (BWA). He has also worked for a children's charity in India. Since 2007 he's been the pastor of Worcester Park Baptist Church in England. If cleanliness is indeed next to godliness, this guy's a real maggot-infested shitpile. Hell, even if it isn't.

​1. Patrick Joseph McCabe

The cops have their thin blue line, and the priests have their brotherhood. So it is that after allegations of Patrick Joseph McCabe's sexual abuse of young boys during the '70s began surfacing in Ireland, they sent him to America.

The allegations first came to the public's attention in last year's Murphy Report, an investigation by Irish Circuit Court Judge Yvonne Murphy into long festering rumors of Irish priests' sexual abuse of children. Now Ireland is seeking McCabe's extradition to stand trial on charges he molested six boys between 1973 and 1981 at the Dublin Catholic School where he taught. According to one allegation he introduced himself to a boy who had just attended confession, and after saying his prayers, forced himself on the boy in an adjoining hallway.

Faced with McCabe's behavior, Archbishop Dermot Ryan convinced Bishop Mark Hurley of Santa Rosa to make McCabe an assistant pastor at St. Bernard's Church in Eureka, California in the early eighties. McCabe started at St. Bernard's after completing a rehab program in New Mexico where he was given Depo-Provera to control his impulses. It kept him from getting pregnant, but apparently did nothing to change his behavior.

More reports of inappropriate behavior surfaced after his 1983 arrival, including having children sit on his lap during their first confession, and he left in 1985. After the charges in Ireland surfaced a few weeks ago, two men from Eureka came forward and said they were molested during McCabe's tenure . According to one of the victims, McCabe would pull two to three boys at a time out of their 3rd grade class at the church and take them to a nearby room where he'd fondle them in the dark.

At least three other priests that were involved in the Santa Rosa Diocese's famed sexual abuse case (which first surfaced in '94, involved 17 priests, and cost the 167,000 member diocese $25 million in settlements, bringing it to the brink of bankruptcy) also worked at St. Bernard's at various times. A real culture of accountability there.

McCabe's lawyer has asked for the 74-year old former priest's release pending extradition, based on chronic health problems related to a quintuple bypass surgery, diabetes and an enlarged prostate. Federal prosecutors rebutted the charge, noting that he's vigorous for his age, practicing yoga and martial arts several times a week.

After briefly returning to Dublin in the late '80s, McCabe settled in Alameda, California where he became a social work for the elderly until retiring due to declining health. Because of his small stature and accent, he was known as the leprechaun of the neighborhood. Little did they know he's notorious for coveting children's Lucky Charms.

Read last Tuesday's What Wouldn't Jesus Do?: Preacher Randy Scott Extorts Pedophiles Into Having Sex With Him.