Why Hate Muslims When You Can Hate Chickenshits?

• *applauds* Rando, well done, bravo!

• Very good Rando!!! LOL..and don't worry about not getting my name right, I was honored to be part of the story in the first place

• I Have Seen The Light! For too long I've been hung up on the religious aspect of the theory of Shitvolution, and I have come to tell you no more! No moor will I play Devil's Advocate, it's time to tell the Science behind the Theory of Shitvolution. It begins in 1887, with Charles Darwin's alternate theory, yes Charles Darwin didn't publish one theory but in reality two theories were published, and it's this theory I have come to reveal. That theory will forever be known as The Theory of Shitvolution! While on safari in the Galapagos Islands, Charles Darwin noticed that the Galapagos Islands was full of different species of Finches, and he realized That where there are different varieties of finches there must be different varieties of Finch Shit, and this is where his observations begins... Charles Darwin surveyed over 100 different varieties of finches on the Galapagos Islands, he observed their flying habits, eating habits, predatory difficulties, and he noticed a pattern in the variety of shit produced by the finches. Based on this information he hypothesized that through speciation and natural selection that different species will produce different varieties of shit, and that all species must have shit in similar patterns. He first published this theory in the late 1890s but because of it's alternative ideas was laughed out of scientific journals. During the 1890s most scientists were stanch Intelligent Shit Design supporters and Charles Darwin's theory was the first idea to truly try to change that opinion. Most scientists wanted to persecute Charles Darwin for even TRYING to get an alternative theory into the scientific journals, but undaunted Charles Darwin persisted and eventually his theory was finally recognized as real science and gradually gained acceptance in the scientific fields. This theory would latter gain help from the Genome Study as it proved that all creatures had evolved from other shit producing animals. Many scientists seeking a way to disprove Charles Darwin's theory would later come forward to reveal even more evidence to support Darwin's Theory of Shitvolution, geologists would discover fossilized shit laying creatures and how they naturally evolved their shit habits. Different varieties of fossilized shit were also discovered, geologists have confirmed that animals on this planet have been shitting for millions of years, which confirm Darwin's theory even more. But the greatest discovery was found only recently, the fossilized creature known as Tiktaalik and it's fossilized shit prove conclusively that amphibians evolved from primitive shit laying fish. This and many other discoveries are why Charles Darwin's Theory of Shitvolution can and must be the only theory taught in science class today. We must not give in to the young shitter's movement, if they want acceptance then they too must do the science that Charles Darwin and others have done for the last 150 years. I hope that this can sway your opinion on Charles Darwin's Theory of Shitvolution, and I can only ask that you be willing to research the subject and learn all you can about how the creatures on this planet evolved the need to shit. Thank you for your time and attention, Rando

• iI dont come here during the weekend (i do have a life!) and i miss all kinds of funnies! Thank you Iowa Grandma. I know you are hurting as well. Your son may not be 'in a box' but his mind is. I don't know which is worst. God love him. I hope he finds some release of his troubled mind so that he can continue to be a normal dad. I will keep you both in my prayers. Ok guys, the 'shit bombs' are on the way!!!!!! You guys are really to much!! But some are really funny. And i agree with Iowa Grandma, about the shit on a farm! Try gardening without it. Your veggies and flowers dont do as well without natural manura. Hell with spending hundreds on "fertilizer" My is cheap and i get all i need. I even sell it to others. Have Cows will travel!!!

• I really should tell Dani_Demmer I'm sorry about misspelling her name, about midway through the first story I screwed up her name and keep right on spelling it Demi_Demmer, I didn't do it on purpose, so I'm sorry about that mistake.

• Rando Rando Rando. I'm curiously flattered that I get to be the key player in the shit story. Oh yes, and entertained.

• Namaste, my friend lets keep up the good ideas.

• @Rando: Really well done silliness.

• Let me know what you think of these silly tales so the don't become boring or stupid, I like useful ideas.

• That's a variation of the story I know but yes, and that's the punchline. =) I've always thought it was adorable.

• That joke about two kids? One's a pessimist the other is an optimist, and their psychologist is trying to break their habits so he takes the to a room full of shit and the optimist says there must be a pony in here.

• *ggls* You never answered, do you know the story of There Must Be A Pony?

• Actually it was Inspector Gadget, I turned IowaGranny into Dr Claw there at the end. I would love to do a chapter three, maybe Diarrhea, the Second Coming of Shit, or maybe Demi_Demmer and the Holy Shitter, you know a life of Demi_Demmer before she created shit. I think this is starting to get weird, but if Pete wants to turn this into a Story of Shit article I would love to write out the other adventures of Shit, but only if Pete doesn't mind. Pete your thoughts...

• *pretends to not know* Monty Python!

• Okay, I was just kidding around but if you guys want more I can provide... IowaGranny was offended at Shit for it's offensive odor. IowaGranny decreed that she would finally make Shit regret coming to a planet she liked, so she sent her warrior, angry grandma to flood the world, because IowaGranny knew of Shit's weakness, it floated in water and could not move on it's own, IowaGranny thought this would rid her world of Shit. What IowaGranny did not know is that Demi_Demmer foresaw this and sent her angel , alexa down to warn Shit of IowaGranny's plan, alexa told shit to hide inside the asses of the 6000 sacred animals (3000 species of animals were saved in the Bible, two of every animal is 6000, I don't know if I should have clarified this, but there it is) Demi_Demmer knew IowaGranny couldn't kill every creature because IowaGranny couldn't be that cruel, and it was this flaw in her plan that could save Shit. So before the Great Flood that IowaGranny ordered IowaGranny called out to her most loyal minion Leah, and warned Leah of her plan to flood the world, IowaGranny told Leah to build an ark and gather the sacred 6000 animals, one male and one female, the sacred animals would come to Leah on their own so Leah just had to wait long enough, and the animals would gather, Leah being blinded by her faith did whatever IowaGranny decreed, so after a year of building and waiting the animals came and boarded the ark. While this was going on Demi_Demmer's plan to save shit could finally be put in place, Shit was ordered to wait inside the asses of the sacred animals and wait out the flood, shit never came out of the asses of the sacred animals, and Leah never knowing of Demi_Demmer's plan didn't bother to check the animals, so shit stowed away inside the asses of the sacred animals, and laughed at IowaGranny's foolish plan. Demi_Demmer had outsmarted IowaGranny yet again. Because after a year on the boat the flood water receded and the animals left the ark to return to their homelands to repopulate the world, as soon as shit saw it's chance it began to leave the sacred animals and spread across the world all over again, IowaGranny's plan was foiled again and now shit in even larger numbers began to flood the world, soon the Earth reeked of shit's existence and once again IowaGranny had to deal with Shit's foulness stinking up her planet. IowaGranny enraged with shit screamed out at shit "I'll get you next time shit, next time!" To be continued if anybody wants me to.... Any body want to guess my references?

• Wage on Dani, feel free to sling it all you want. When I said enough with the shit references, I just meant for me. I'm laying down my manure shovel and letting the kids play in it. Wars, even shit wars, are meant to be fought by youth. Us old grannies know you just end up covered in it whether you win or lose.

• @Rando: Dani says storms are brewing, so we need that update to Bill Cosby's Noah routine stat.

• I guess this is war Iowagranny...but little do you know...I've built an underground city (or SHhh-ity) if you will...with many underground roads I call the sewer system. Shit storms are brewing

• Rando, are you familiar with the "there must be a pony" story? I'm being serious and nice so, no worries, k. Because you are clearly one heckuva pony here dude, 'cos that is hilarious! LOL!!

• In the beginning IowaGranny said "I hath had enough shit, I shall cast it from my sight." Shitesis Ch 1 Vs 1-2 In a attempt to spare the shit, our Lord Dani_Demmer, called out to the shit"I Shall grant you salvation on my creation, go forth and multiply." Shitesis Ch 2 Vs 2-3 The shit was pleased to be offered a home on the creation of Dani_Demmer, Earth was to be bequeathed "The Home of Shit", and for a time it was good, Earth was full of asses for shit to live with. Shit was pleased at all the forms it could grow from or drop from. The quality of asses pleased shit, large asses, small asses, under-water asses, life for shit was truly good. Shitesis Ch 2 Vs 4-8 This world was not without temptation, IowaGranny was angry with shit. It released an odor that offended IowaGranny, so she decided to create an evil within the home of shit, she would call it Toilet-Paper, Toilet-Paper was most tempting to shit, and shit could not resist the temptation of Toilet-Paper. Shit gave in to Toilet-Paper and was lead astray by it's pleasant softness, quilted ripples, and tough grip, Demi_Demmer had no choice, but to cast out the shit, and make it foul to the eye, foul to the nose, and weak in water, Demi_Demmer would weep at the cruel fate the IowaGranny had forced upon shit, but Demi_Demmer was smart she offered shit a place by her side if shit could find an ass worthy of it's greatness. So shit goes from ass to ass searching for the one true place Demi_Demmer spoke of... Shitesis Ch 1 Vs 10-? Now until the end of time shit still searches. To Be Continued...?

• the more it rages...the more entertaining. so Nope.

• *growing smile* Dani *chucks your chin* I see you've been *looks down at collection of bottles, rolling papers, pie plates* busy. *pulls up a chair* I said *swig* if a debate does not rage, is it still the *shrugs* ya' know, shit? Really quite simple, don't *swirls finger tip at temple* overthink it. *swig*

• Angry Grandma, I can't fault you for your feelings. You're human, suffering from a loss greater than mine. I can still hug my son, and even though he can't remember shit (couldn't resist that one) he's still around to be a dad to his sons. I don't know how I'd feel if my son came home in a box, and I had nothing but a flag to hold. I'm no saint on tolerance, in general I view most religions as an excuse to validate your own bullshit agenda (did it again). I just try to focus my energies on positive shit (again) to keep myself from going nuts every time he comes back from a VA appointment. ok enough with the shit references. I just wanted to tell another Grandma that I understand what she means. Carry on kids.

• uhm *sip* im not *chug* quite sure what you mean by that *coughs* what exactly *sip* are you asking? *smokes two joints* *bakes a pie*

• If debates do not rage, are they still the shit? Discuss. *chug*

• Its true....I'm a creative animal.

• Does that make you the Holy Shiter? All bow down to the glorious one who shits...... AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HOLY HOLY HOLY ONE AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Or should we do this scientifically? Okay, in the late 1880s Charles Darwin noticed that Galapagos Fiches produced different sized shit, he observed how speciation leads to different formations of shit piles. Based on this conclusion he purposed the Theory of Shitulation: The theory that through random mutation and natural selection different species of animals produce different forms of shit. We have further discovered that in the fossil record we have found different varieties of shit as well as the bones of the creatures that made the shit. The genetic evidence also says that genetically we are linked with creatures that used to make huge piles of shit. The geological record also demonstrates that creatures have been shitting for millions of years. This evidence is unfortunately not enough to sway the young shitter movement, that says the book of shitavictus says humans and animals have only been shitting for about 6000 years, and that shitting could not have occurred naturally, so they want to teach the alternative theory of intelligent shit design. This theory says that Dani_Demmer was the one who designed us to shit in the current forms we now shit in. Birds with white shit, fish with water-proof shit etc. Even now the debate rages on...

• LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

• If you're going to debate on shit, go no further than right here. Here in Farm Central, AKA Iowa, you learn fertilizer at an early age! Chickenshit, not so good at fertilizer, too high in nitrogen and must be watered down before application Hogshit- shit works great on ground that hasn't been worked yet. Horseshit-great for the flowerbeds, really sucks though when you walk down a street after a parade Cowshit-now thats the shit that makes shit grow! Aged cowshit is the bomb! Oops, I shouldn't mention bombs in a forum about Muslims should I?

• Whatever....I'm the SHIT.

• *grin* Well, well, well, someone got up on the wrong side of the interwebs today. Meh. Class, we will now discuss the differences between the Theory of a Higher Crapinator and Darwin's Theory of Shitolution. Discuss. Except for "Enough with the *sipping* already", you are naughty. And Dani, who is far too serious for fun. *SWIG* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha!

• Yeah I agree... pitty people can't be properly called out on their so called feelings and beliefs without getting defensive about having to explain them. They unfortunately don't understand that this is what forums are for...adult debates.

• And alexa, don't even start with the swigging, puffing, swearing or all the other shit you do, ok! Commenting is supposed to be serious and I hate how you are allowed to comment along with the rest of us. I. Hate. It.

• Oh, come on, can't I just cut loose and make a few stupid jokes. I try to as funny as I can but the other debate is way to serious for my to be a joker.

• LOL... What was that Rando? I just read a whole bunch of shit.

• Holy crap! Thanks for spotlighting my posting Pete. In my redneck vernacular way I guess I was trying to speak on tolerance, even when you have good solid reason to hate. Still pisses me off... how could they just leave a bomb behind, a car with kids could have run over it. My kid had an armored MRAP under him and was wearing a helmet and body armor. He's a soldier, he expected to get hit. Civilians on the other hand, they just blow up to pieces and leave behind orphans and widows.

• Oh no! I can already hear the arguments against Shitlution, Teach the Shit Controversy, The Strengths and Weaknesses of Shitlution, or even (bum bum bum dramatic reverb) Intelligent shit design, or my personal favorite this shit must be irreducibly complex because corn is undigestable, if we remove the corn it will cease to be corn shit.

• I know this is petty, but for the love of reality, alexa, knock of the *sips*! I guess it's meant to create an image of some sort, but, at least to me, it just comes off as pretentious. We get it, you like an alcoholic beverage while you read. Great! Wonderful! Just keep it to yourself!

• this guy didn't/doesn't hate Muslims, he was working for the group that's trying to build the mosque at ground zero

• kangaroo, that is very interesting indeed. Well then I want to hear a lot more about what really happened. The early reports are almost always wrong. Remember the case of the woman who thought she overheard a pair of Muslim men discussing a terror plot at a restaurant and she reported it, this was shortly after 9/11? It turns out that ultimately, they weren't doing so, but I remember how quickly the Muslim men RUSHED EVERYONE TO JUDGMENT to assume the woman was being a blind hater. I vividly remember one of them, during a tv interview, saying "She added a little salt and pepper to her story." Implying that she embellished what she heard because, of course, she's a hater. That made me hate him on the spot. Instead of being gracious about her honest error, made in the interest of trying to protect her country and not just sit back and "not get involved," he decided to reveal how much he hated her and anyone like her and how by default it meant that the entire nation of America hates all Muslims. No, it meant that he and many, many Muslims, easily, hate Americans. I never forgot it. I never will. I refuse to defend anyone who hates me. That's insane. *sips*

• The ny times is reporting there's more than what meets the eye here. 1. The cab driver was questioned by enright regarding several aspects of hisb faith, including whether he was fasting for ramadan. 2. The cab driver is against the building of the mosque at ground zero. 3. Enright has been to afghanistan to film a documentary while embedded with the marines. 4. That trip was partially funded by intersections international. 5. Intersections international is part of the collegiate churches of ny which has been a vocal supporter of the mosque at ground zero. 6. Enright is a volunteer for this organization. In conclusion, something don't smell right. I'll reserve my judgement about why a white guy who volunteers for an organization that supportys tolerance for all religions and openly supports the mosque at ground zero stabbed a muslim who does not support a mosque at ground zero.

• @Angry Grandma This post is one of the reasons I respect and like you. You seem to be an honest person,and you don't think you are always right. You are willing to look at yourself honestly,consider other opinions and if you think you are mistaken about something,you are at least willing to try and correct it.

• I, of course, as everyone knows, echo Angry Grandma's feelings and opinion on the matter. When Muslims stops subjugating women, something the very liberal and civil rights defending feminists and proto-feminists who comment here openly DENOUNCE and RIDICULE the Christian religions for having done, then I'll relax. When Muslims stops requiring gays to be summarily hung to death, I'll relax. When the I-Am-Perfect-'Cos-I'm-A-Liberal types who comment here openly, vigorously and unremittingly denounce and ridicule Islam with the same equality that they do with Christian religions, or perhaps really, their practitioners, I'll believe that true harmony and less hate is in fact the goal. But that would require guts, now wouldn't it. *sips*

• Iowa Grandma, I agree your post was 'right on' And i mostly agree with your words. Unfortunately, i am biased and am angry at the Muslims faith. I have tried to block out some of the crap in my heart about them. I have tried to convince my head that it wasn't the reglion who killed my brother, just a group of men(women) of this faith. It's a hard sell. But i am trying. My brother was in the towers on 9/11 so with what is happening in NYC right now is dear to my heart. I don't care if they build their houses of worship. I don't really care where they build them. What upsets me the worst, is the fact that they are going to dedicate it ON 9/11 That is a slap in the face to me and the thousand of other family members who lost family members. There were muslims in the towers that day as well. But that isn't being considered. So, my head agrees with you, but my heart is cold on their faith in general. Sorry.

• Wow Iowa Grammy great post. Short and true.

• *sips mimosa* LOL shhhh... we *points at you and me* can start now *happy nods* yeah Woops, I meant to say Darwin's Theory of Shitolution. LOL!! *sips*

• You two are just to funny for TrueCrimeReport!!!! But you both make good sense. I'm impressed!

• Fair...*ffft..fft* *cough*...fair lol

• I would also so argue, but, that would presume a Higher Crapinator or Darwin's Theory of Shitistence. Fair?

• one would assume the chickenshitter?

• Chickenshit has been around an awful long time. Which came first, the chickenshit or the chickenshitter?

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