Probation officer gives office BJ to boot-camp teen
Kevin Harley, Gooberific Thief, Gets Stuck in Grease Vent Trying to Burglarize Shoney's
Friday, September 3, 2010 at 10:32 am
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But living in North Charleston, South Carolina limits your takedown opportunities. It's not like the city's loaded up with art museums just begging for crime-of-the-century capers. So Harley decided to take down the next best thing: Shoney's. He was apparently hoping to conduct largest bulk condiment robbery in U.S. history.
Last Sunday eve, our cunning mastermind lowered himself into the grease vent on the roof of the restaurant. He put socks over his hands to avoid leaving fingerprints. Work that score, Kevin Michael Harley!
But like Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac recently learned on her errant stalking mission, vents, chimneys and other rooftop airways generally aren't constructed as passageways for the full-grown human. Who would have thought?
So, naturally, young Harley became stuck. For six hours. He wasn't discovered until an employee showed up at just before 5 a.m. the next morning and heard someone calling for help. When police arrived, they found his foot sticking through a ceiling vent, but Harley unable to free himself.
Firemen no doubt laughed with great mirth and made gleeful mention of modest IQ as they extracted him, then escorted him to the hospital for his injuries before finally whisking him off to jail. He is now charged with burglary and felonious gooberism.
See our last tale concerning lack of knowledge in rooftop airway passages: Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac Dies in Chimney After Getting Stuck While Stalking Boyfriend.
Tags: Gooberville, South Carolina
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