Nothing says “I’m an asshole” quite like getting tattoos all over your face. It’s also said to diminish your stock with the ladies, since it doesn’t make for becoming wedding photos, and is known to make for easier witness identification if you’ve chosen a bungling life of crime…
But Michael “Tattoo” Knuth of Lincoln, Illinois wasn’t worried about those odds — perhaps because he’s a huge friggin’ moron.
Our tale begins last year, when Megan Danielson says she was robbed at gunpoint at her home in Lincoln. Knuth fired a shot and left, going to the home of John Newlun and demanding a ride to his own house.
But since his face was easily recognizable, Megan called police. Within minutes cops were on the lookout for an asshole with a tattooed face. It took only 15 minutes for police to spot Knuth riding in Newlun’s car.
When they stopped the vehicle, Knuth opened fire. But his aim apparently sucks as much as his aesthetic values. He failed to hit the cops, but the cops had no such problem blasting away at Knuth. They shot him multiple times before he was arrested.
Alas, the shitbag actually lived, and he was charged with first-degree attempted murder. Last week, it took a jury only three hours to convict him of that charge and two gun-related felonies. He’s looking at the possibility of 30 years when he’s sentenced next month. (Special thanks to reader Mom2Four for the tip.)
See our last tale from the Moron of the Day file: James Brienzo, Walmart Thief, Hides in Dumpster, Gets Compacted in Garbage Truck.