How could popular teens kill for no more than the experience? I blame Jackass. While on a different level than rolling your friend down a hill in a Porta-John, it’s emblematic of how epic stupidity and disregard for human decency become heroic daring. Meet Charles Southern and Connor Pridgin, our Douchebags of the Week…
5. Felipe Vega
While a dog’s allegedly man’s best friend, sometimes a person goes too far. That’s what 32-year old Ocala, Florida’s Felipe Vega thought when his 34-year old brother, David, sided with his 2½-year old pit bull, Camo, over him. So he showed his older brother that he could bite too, taking off the bottom of his right ear.
The two had been drinking (should we mention again that they’re from Florida?) when Felipe began yelling at the dog and hitting it. David told him to cut it out. Things escalated. Felipe headbutted his brother, socked him in the face 15-20 times, and then, to amplify his point, went Mike Tyson on him. (Well, David probably wasn’t going to be wearing any earrings on that side anyway.)
Besides an earlob that was dangling by a thin strand like one of Samantha’s baubles from Sex in the City, David Vega’s left eye was also swollen shut. He says his brother “has an anger problem,” which is like saying Imelda Marcos has a shoe fetish.
4. Ardmore Avenue, Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania
Lots of things will affect your real estate values, but if you live in the same neighborhood as Margaret Dougherty and Denise Merget, it’s probably a time to pray for a natural disaster or Godzilla. The two women live across from each other on Ardmore Avenue, and were both arrested the same night last week.
For the last year, the 41-year old Dougherty had been running a business out of her home while her son was off at elementary school. Unfortunately, not only is she not zoned to retail ass, but prostitution’s illegal in Pennsylvania. (“Hurry off to school Johnny so Mommy can Febreze your bed for work.”)
Cops were alerted by an ill-considered advertising campaign that included distributing fliers throughout the neighborhood stating “massages by beautiful women.” (She couldn’t afford a billboard.) She might face charges of false advertising, judging from a woman arrested for solicitation, 38-year old Amy Prudish. (A rather duplicitous surname.) According to an online profile, Prudish has spent time doing multi-level marketing, whose pyramidal structure is a fine introduction to the sex trade. Dougherty allegedly ran two or three other girls out of the house and had several dozen clients.
Across the street lived a woman whose very presence screams “Cat Lady.” If only she had Dougherty’s head for business (*cough*), the 58-year old Merget might have opened a Chinese food restaurant to take advantage of her 75-cat herd.
Perhaps she was already building up her inventory — which would help explain the 20 cats found frozen in the fridge. Many were but kittens, which she presumably had targeted for veal dishes. Of course, she’d need to get the water turned back on — it’s been off since May. Needless to say, when the health department entered Merget’s home they encountered an “obnoxious odor.”
Yup, Ardmore Avenue, was once knee-deep in pussy.
3. Cecilia Chang
The former Dean of Asian Studies at St. John’s University, Cecilia Chang ran her department like a plantation. She treated her work-study students like they’d arrived at her doorstep in a steel shipping container, making them intern around her house under the threat of having their scholarships pulled.
The students, most of whom indeed did arrive from overseas, were each given $5,000 per semester scholarships with the stipulation that they work part-time for the Asian Studies program. In practice this meant things like driving Chang to her hair salon, the restaurant, the airport, or even bringing cash to her at a casino. Three students split housekeeping duties, working 122 days each year. Others shopped for food, washed her clothes, cooked her meals, or took out the garbage and shoveled snow at her $2.9 million, seven-bedroom Queens home.
This is only the latest allegation against the 57-year old Chang, who made from $130-$140K a year and was fired in June. She was suspended in January when an audit suggested she’d embezzled approximately $1 million from St. John’s, including a quarter-million dollar donation from a Saudi prince. The money paid for trips to Foxwoods Casino, Victoria Secret lingerie, and her son’s law school tuition. She regularly submitted reimbursement claims for personal expenses like trips to Macys, Home Depot or the supermarket.
It would seem that in the words of Glen Frey, Chang has taken it to the limit for the last time.
2. Jonathan Fajardo
As a member of Los Angeles’ 204th Street Gang, 18-year old Latino gang member Jonathan Fajardo had something against black people. This is ironic because he’s half-black, but douchebags like Fajardo don’t get where they are because of their intelligence.
The catalyzing incident is classic douchebaggery. Apparently, Fajardo had a confrontation with a black man at a market. When he and his proctologist crew approached the man in his car, he trumped their unarmed attitude with a gat. Being the types that are only tough when on the other side of a gun, they naturally ran like snot. Embarrassed at being such a tool, Fajardo went home, strapped on a little manhood and got revenge in true mental midget manner — by opening fire on completely innocent and unrelated black individuals who happened to be chatting on a nearby corner. He injured three and killed 14-year old Cheryl Green.
The police figured it was the 204th Street Gang because of the racist, d-bag nature of the crime, and searched the apartment of member Christopher Ash. Afraid he might have snitched about Green’s death, the gang lured Ash to a garage where Fajardo and 23-year old Daniel Aguilar allegedly stabbed him over 60 times, though his lawyer says higher-up gang members did it. The lawyer also invoked the classic defense that a rough childhood led to his violent adult state. (*Yawn*).
1. Charles Southern and Connor Pridgen
Spoiled selfish shits with little to offer the world but their own narcissistic satisfaction? How else would you describe a couple of private school jocks that led a little 4’11”, 89 lbs. girl out to the woods where they shot her in the back of the head and in the face.
And for what? Because they wanted to experience the rush of killing someone. Charles Southern said he wanted to prepare himself for armed robbery, in case he had to shoot someone. The pampered little dingleberry gave no thought to avoiding violence. Pridgen just said he wanted to experience the thrill of the kill.
The Jacksonville, Florida teens hatched the plan in geometry class. They led 17-year old Makia Conley from school to a store where they picked up three cigars, and out to the woods where they shot her, then dumped her in a drainage ditch.
But they were sloppy. Cops matched the drainage ditch tire tracks to Southern’s truck, and students reported seeing him in possession of a revolver. A school surveillance video caught Pridgen accompanying Conley on the way off campus. They lied at first but eventually confessed to being worthless dark-hearted refuse bound for the human dumpster.
Prosecutor Mark Caliel described the pair of University Christian School students as having “good, loving homes and had, quite frankly, things available to them that many of our children in the community don’t have.”
After pleading guilty to second degree murder, they’ll face 40 years to life. Let’s hope it’s weighted toward the high end of that scale. They made their bed, now it’s time to bury them in it.
Read last Monday’s Douchebags of the Week: James Johnson Gets Life For Raping, Pimping Stepdaughter And Her Friends.