A 44-year-old mom, her son, and her daughter-in-law were enjoying a nice family drunk-a-thon in Las Cruces, New Mexico. But as so often happens during these kinds of festive family occasions, someone decided to spoil all the fun. Mom started arguing with her son…
It became quite ferocious, so the daughter-in-law stepped between them. (Sorry, we don’t have any names yet for the fine family involved in this story.)
That’s when mom, being something of a weirdo and quite possibly a pervert, grabbed her daughter-in-law’s nipple and began squeezing and pulling on it. She had apparently chosen the Titty Twister mode of attack, made popular in frats and middle school gym classes around the country.
But the 30-year-old daughter-in-law was not about to take this assault lying down. She began punching mom in the face, then threw her into the yard.
Mom, no shrinking violet in her own right, reemerged on the scene when she kicked in the back door to return to the apartment. The daughter-in-law once again threw her into the yard, along with her belongings.
But that’s when she also noticed fluid coming from her breast. She looked down to she her shirt bloodied. When she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell to the ground. The woman put it in a bag, then resumed partying, showing the kind of fighting spirit that’s made this country great — or at least very weird. Hours later she finally decided to got to an emergency room, mostly likely when the tequila ran out.
By this time, the mother-in-law, known as a repeat offender in Las Cruces for an array of drug offenses, had taken it on the lam. The daughter-in-law spent the morning having her nipple reattached by doctors, but she didn’t want to press charges.
Police were still investigating, but they’re looking at the mother-in-law for a domestic battery beef. (Special thanks to Texas Bureau Chief Leah for this fine round of weirdness.)
See our last tale from the Hammered Guys file: Carolee Bildsten Stiffs Joe’s Crab Shack, Tries to Beat Cop With Dildo.