Jacqueline Gold, Sex Toy Magnate, Victim of World's Dumbest Poisoning Attempt
Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 10:30 am
But her gift of marketing romance to women isn't accompanied by equal skill in hiring the servants. Two years ago, at age 48, she gave birth to twins, though one died eight months later from a severe brain condition.
She hired 33-year-old nanny Allison Cox to care for the surviving baby. But Cox seemingly didn't care for her employer, for reasons unknown. In early October, Jacqueline was chowing on some soup at her stately mansion when she said to herself, "Hmmm, this soup kinda sucks." So she chewed the ass of her private chef, because that's what rich people do.
The chef, however, was pretty sure his soup didn't suck. So he dug it out of the garbage, only to discover that someone had included a soapy substance in his recipe -- and it wasn't him. Further investigation revealed it was windshield wiper fluid, which is not particularly harmful, but isn't an ingredient favored by the finer restaurants in London.
The resulting probe led straight to Cox, who was charged with trying to poison her boss on three separate occasions. The first time she spiked Jacqueline's food with excess salt. The second time she tried giving her a sugar overdose. Then she moved to the traditional chemical variety of toxins.
One small problem: None of these things are fatal. And that can be a bit of an issue when you're trying to kill someone. We're just saying.
Cox is now charged with the very cool sounding crime of "poisoning with intent to injure, aggrieve or annoy." Jacqueline, meanwhile, may finally choose to be nice to the servants -- or at least pay them enough so they won't try to kill her.
See our last episode from the Moron of the Day file: Richard Andersen Gets Jail For Putting Roommate's Cat in the Washing Machine.