46-year-old Ellis F. Yates was out for a night at the Fox and the Hound pub, getting liquored up on festive American-made spirits. But it seems she’s not exactly a dude magnet, which means no one was buying her drinks all night, which means she spent all her money…
Still, Ellis wasn’t about to hoof it home. So she called a cab to squire her to her luxurious Louisville habitat. And that’s when she ran into problems.
As the cab neared her home, Ellis decided to jump out and bolt the scene. Alas, her plan was thwarted because she’s 46 and not in possession of the finest bolting powers. The cabbie simply followed her in his car, pissed that she’d stiffed him on a fare.
That’s when a police cruiser drove by and noticed the cab close at her heels. The cop asked Ellis if there was a problem. So she claimed the cabbie tried to rape her, but she was able to escape. And now the driver was stalking her.
Of course, the hack had a much different story to tell — one that was void of predatory desire, but filled with tales of middle-aged deadbeats trying to screw an honest working man on the job.
So the cop went back to confront Ellis on her tale. That’s when she admitted to fabricating the story.
It’s a pretty big sin, risking a man’s livelihood and freedom just because you didn’t want to come up with five lousy dollars for a ride home. But she’ll only have to face charges of false reporting. And, of course, whatever insults you, dearest reader, can creatively dump on this richly deserving woman.
See yesterday’s episode from the Moron of the Day file: Christopher Lewis & Amy Menifield Used Taser to Discipline 13-Year-Old Boy.