Top 5 Douchebags: Robert Young Stars In Perry Family Child Molestation Drama
Monday, March 21, 2011 at 9:00 am
Sometimes it's tough to get inside a thief's head. To each their own, but what possesses someone to steal sex toys? Is it explanation enough to tell you the culprit, Mitchell Tice lives in Florida, home to the backwash of the American gene pool? And if you were the victim, would you report a missing box of sex toys, let alone want them back afterwards? It's not as though you can't guess where they've been.
The 40-year old Tice was a breakfast cook at the Banana Bay Resort in Marathon, FL when in January his boss reported a robbery from his trailer behind the resort. Besides the sex toys, the victim also lost two laptops and a wig. Judging from the big smile on his face, the perp made good use of his "booty."
Deputies had been investigating the burglary for a few weeks with little luck when Tice's ex-girlfriend, Pshantel Scott reported her own robbery. Somehow the subject of the earlier robbery came up and Scott produced the sex toys from under her bed, implicating her former boyfriend. (Tice already faced a battery charge for allegedly punching Scott in January.)
She claimed he'd told her of the robbery and while she'd never seen the laptops, she did spot a picture of Tice in the wig on his cellphone. The victim identified his missing stash of vibrators. Tice was arrested last week and charged with Grand Theft Dildo, though we suspect there's little chance he'll do the hard time he clearly craves.
Some things are worth waiting for, but we suspect Kevin Ferrier's grand finale might have been a little anti-climatic. The 19-year old Tulsa man left no mystery where the beef was when he whipped it out and started the five-finger shuffle in the parking lot near the Sonic restaurant drive-thru while they were closing up. ("Hold the mayo, please!")
|My milkshake brings the boys to the yard|
We wonder if the offended fast food employee picked him out of a lineup featuring a tator tot, cocktail wiener, and curly fry.
We've often wondered what it is in the water that makes people in Florida behave so funny, but maybe it isn't the water at all. Jessica Wilkinson was enjoying a vacation in the Florida Keys apparently (the 36-year old hails from Portland, Maine) when she started traveling North on the Southbound lane of U.S. 1 near Islamorada, Florida around 10 p.m. a two-weeks ago Saturday.
"What are all these drunk people doing going the wrong direction," she must've wondered as she drove on the left side of the highway, running people off the road like a Jerry Bruckheimer chase scene (think Die Hard meets Dumb & Dumber.)
First she hit a 2001 Chevy causing it to roll over. Continuing in the wrong direction she hit a 2000 Ford and then a 2005 Buick driven by a 77-year old woman forcing both off the road. She racked up a total of 7 DUI charges setting a new high score on DUI Douche, while causing $18,000 of damages to her 2011 Nissan (rental?). We hope she she paid for the damage waiver. (Those Key West Mai Tais are murder!)
What do you do when you can't afford a penile implant? You jack up your Ford F-250 turning it into Bro-Dozer. That's how 27-year old Eric Crutchfield came to run over 23-year old Kasey McKenzie in the parking lot of Dallas, Texas' Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club after closing early Thursday morning. He didn't even realize he'd hit someone until other people in the parking lot chased him down and told him. ("I was wondering what the parking lot was doing with speed bumps.")
|Small Hands, Big Truck|
|Michael Halveland & Robert Young|
It takes a certain kind of person to knowingly invite a registered sex offender to sleep on their couch when it's also home to a 9-year old girl. (We call them douchebags.) Robert Young isn't from Father Knows Best and this is hardly All in the Family, though that's pretty much how they behaved toward their 9-year old.
Though it's been 20 years since the 51-year old Young's conviction, Florida's Department of Children and Families warned the girl's parents, Christopher and Mary Perry, and forced them to sign an agreement that Young wouldn't have unsupervised contact with their children. Before long a report came from the 9-year old of abuse. Mary Perry saw him in bed with her daughter, touching her inappropriately, but didn't say anything because she was having an affair with Young, and was afraid he'd tell her husband. Christopher Perry bears some responsibility as well, because they apparently let him sleep in the girl's bed.
|Christopher & Mary Perry|
They're all facing charges ranging from felony child neglect, abuse and failure to report suspected abuse to lewd and lascivious molestation, and, in the case of Young, three counts of capital sexual battery. The DCF has taken heat for failing to take more action -- as critics have noted not only the family's behavior, but the fact that their home is directly across from an elementary school and too close to three day care centers for Young to be living there.
Ah, Florida -- where deviancy is not the exception, but the rule.
Read last Monday's Douchebags of the Week: Staci Lisenby "Too Strict" So 14-Year Old Son Murders Her.