Like all campaign staffers, there’s little doubt 24-year-old Benjamin Foster had high aspirations for himself. He either hoped to be a master puppeteer in the mold of Karl Rove, or perhaps envisioned himself as one day becoming another great statesmen turned whore…
But after getting way too hammered in Ankeny, Iowa, he’ll likely have to settle for a career on Wall Street, where all good douchebags go when other options close.
Our saga begins in Des Moines, Iowa, where Foster works for the presidential campaign of former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. The Alabama transplant was out getting hammered with a friend, and claims the friend was supposed to drop him off at a home he was staying at in suburban Johnston.
Ben Foster’s political aspirations are likely over after a drunken night in Iowa. He’ll now have to settle for stealing on Wall Street.
But Foster refuses to tell police who that friend was, so we’re guessing he was driving himself and got lost along the way. He ended up in nearby Ankeny instead, where he mistook a family’s home for the one he was staying at.
At 3:30 a.m., 15-year-old Chloe Steward awoke to the dog barking. She went downstairs to investigate, only to find a man’s arm reaching through the back door.
“His arm was in my back door, trying to get in and I screamed and went
upstairs to my parents room and I continued screaming,” Chloe
told KCCI-TV. “He shoved his arm in here and kept touching the wall, looking
for something. I don’t know what he was looking for.”
That’s when her dad grabbed a gun and went downstairs to confront the creep. Mom Stacey Steward called 911 while dad held Foster at gunpoint until police arrived.
Foster was charged with public intoxication and
trespassing. He also committed the unpardonable sin of barfing in the family’s backyard. And since he’s a Republican barf, which means he was surely pounding Strawberry wine coolers, the barf was especially stinky.
In a written statement — because he’s the kind of douchebag who issues written statements instead of talking like a real man — Foster apologized for getting hammered and scaring the family.
The Pawlenty campaign also issued a statement, saying the governor was “extremely
disappointed in Ben’s actions,” harumph, harumph harumph. The campaign has given the ladder-climbing little creep a two-week suspension.