Dearest reader, the Forces of Sphincterism are penetrating deep into the soul of America. Now they’ve even gone so far as to burrow into a heavily fortified red state like Arizona. Meet Taylor Petz, a teenager who was making himself a late-night snack in his kitchen in Peoria…
Peoria City Attorney Steve Kemp, pictured above, hired a haz-mat team from two hours away to clean up a few droplets of blood, then billed the kid $2,000 for unathorized bleeding
It seems our hero is still growing into his fine motor skills. During his culinary adventure, he accidentally stabbed himself in the thigh with a steak knife.
Alas, he isn’t old enough to provide medical care for himself. Here in The OH, we usually treat minor stab wounds by rubbing some dirt on them and pulling out the caulk gun. But Taylor decided to call an ambulance, then he went outside to wait for it to arrive.
Alas, it seems he got a few droplets of blood on the sidewalk while he was waiting. It couldn’t have been too much, since his wound didn’t even require stitches.
But that’s where Peoria City Attorney Steve Kemp enters the picture. Since there was blood on the sidewalk, he called up a haz-mat team from two hours away in Tucson to clean up the droplets. Apparently no one in Peoria knows how to operate a garden hose.
The final bill — which mostly consisted of travel time — was $2,000. So Captain Sphincter decided to pass that cost on to Taylor’s family.
Unfortunately for Kemp, Taylor’s mom Jennifer called bullshit. She alerted TV reporters, and the subsequent outrage forced Kemp to backpedal.
Instead of trying to bill the family two grand, he lowered the cost to $1,200.
But Jennifer still isn’t happy. As she told Channel 3 TV, “I’m just very sad that this is how the city treats its residents. I am disappointed that they just didn’t drop the entire
bill because I do feel like it is something that people aren’t aware of
and if you do have an accident and you bleed on the street you are
charged for it thousands of dollars!” (Special thanks to reader Mecede for the tip.)
See our last story of evil from The Sphincter People file: John & Angela Coughlin Ticketed for Speeding to Hospital to Deliver Baby.