Denise Keller Sues Chuck E. Cheese, Claims it Promotes Child Gambling Addiction



​Denise Keller is a real estate agent and mother of two with an ass so tight it can’t be blown apart by plastic explosives. She apparently took her kids to Chuck E. Cheese, only to find herself aghast! — Or perhaps outraged! Even terrified! — by what she saw…

Yeah, he may look like an innocent stuffed mouse. But you know he’s running a dice game in the alley behind the preschool. You just know it.

​Those of you’ve who’ve been to this fine establishment of mediocre pizza, complete with rocking stuffed animal band and games galore, may think it’s an innocent place for kids to have fun. But what are you? Some kind of moron?

Denise Keller knows what Chuck E. Cheese is really about — cultivating gambling addiction in our nation’s youth.

She claims the games at The Cheese promote gambling and gambling addiction, since kids are rewarded with tickets which they can use to buy plastic junk, which is immediately lost on the drive home. 

So she sued Chuck E. for $5 million, believing the only way to stop this menace was to shake down the chain for a large pile of money. Isn’t that obvious?

Her suit claims that Chuck promotes “addictive behavior in
children” and makes for “the same highs and lows experienced by adults who
gamble their paychecks or the mortgage payment.”

Aside from the fact that these aren’t adults, they don’t have paychecks or mortgages, and she’s talking about the goddamned game of ski ball, for chrissakes, she’s
absolutely right: It’s the exact same thing.

But a funny thing happened on Mommy Sphincter’s way to the courthouse. When her suit was launched, she wasn’t surrounded by people cheering her on in her noble quest to protect hearth and home. No, she was unmercifully pilloried for having an ass so tight it probably causes drought.

It also likely didn’t help her real estate business. Would you trust a woman who hates teenagers paid minimum wage to dress in mouse costumes?

So last week, Denise dropped her suit. She’s now weighing her options on whether to sue the mattress industry for aiding and abetting juvenile fornication.

See our last story from The Sphincter People file: Duncan, South Carolina Police Bust Parents for Cheering During High School Graduation.