Hits and Runs Over His Own Uncle 1
Crack Argument Leads to Murder 2
Tried to Dismember Burning Corpse 3

Elizabeth Jones Uses Vaginal Carrying Unit to Steal Homeowner's Jewelry

By Pete Kotz in Stupid Criminals, drugs
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 8:00 am
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Dearest reader, let it not be said that True Crime Report isn't educational. Today's lesson: Never hire a crackhead to roof your house. Alas, a homeowner in Elyria, Ohio doesn't read us, otherwise she would have never been a victim. She hired a crew to roof her home...

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Elizabeth Jones may be a crackhead and a thief, but she does possess a very utilitarian vagina, and her cleavage is far superior to the variety usually found in the roofing trade
Within that crew was 19-year-old Elizabeth Jones, who took a temporary break from her career as a crackhead to pound a few shingles. But while she was on the job, she asked the homeowner if she could use her bathroom, saying she needed to use the tub to wash her legs.

After Jones departed her cleansing operation, the woman noticed that her husband's wedding ring and her grandmother's diamond ring were gone. It seems Jones had also gone through her purse and her wallet.

So she called the cops. But by the time police arrived, Jones apparently had grown tired of work and decided to bolt the job site. Officers would later find her hiding behind a barn with two pipes, a syringe and other drug paraphernalia.

She confessed to stealing the woman's stuff and absconding with the jewelry in her vagina, which has become a popular carrying unit for low-rent criminals these days, since it's really hard to misplace when you're out doing some stealing. The booty was discovered during a cavity search while she was booked. Detectives also found crack, Vicodin and Xanax.

Our precious little sweetheart was charged with theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and drug possession.

See our last tale from the Drugs file: Woman Stashes Knives in Her Belly Fat & Vagina; Gets Busted for Prescription Meds.

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