Rock Star v. Playboy Model: Who Won?
Tyell Morton Faces 8 Years in the Slam for Bringing Blow-Up Doll to School
Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 12:46 pm
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We'll give him an F for originality; sex-doll jokes are so 1981. But since 18-year-old kids still think farts and guys getting hit in the balls in movies are the height of hilarity, Tyell gets a pass due to age restrictions.
His problems began when a janitor saw what appeared to be a bag guy running from the school. A review of surveillance tapes showed a hooded guy enter the school with a package, then mysteriously leave it behind before bolting.
So to better be safe than sorry, administrators called in the cops. They put the place on lockdown, brought in dogs and the bomb squad, and began their search.
Only to find a blow-up doll.
Under normal circumstances, Tyell would have faced a tongue-lashing from the principal and perhaps a shitload community service to remind him that it's not good to freak people out.
But these aren't normal circumstances, since the prank occurred in Rush County, Indiana, the Mississippi of the Midwest. And the fine people of that community believe in law and order, even when it's horribly misguided.
Rush County Prosecutor Philip J. Caviness has apparently traded in his fond memories of youthful recklessness by having some 4x6 treated lumber shoved far up his ass. He charged Tyell with disorderly conduct and felony institutional criminal mischief.
Now, for a stupid sex doll prank, the kid is looking at 8 years in the slam. (See the Free Tyell Morton Facebook page here.)
Some, like Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts, have tried to paint the case in racial terms, claiming a wealthy white kid would never been charged like this. He's probably right, though even Tyell's parents say there's no racial angle here. Still, they had to raise $3,000 in donations just to get their boy out of jail.
Others see it as a case of rural Gooberism gone astray. Had this happened in Indianapolis, police and prosecutors would be much to busy to waste their time on inflatable dolls. Especially since sending the kid to prison for 8 years will cost taxpayers roughly $400,000.
What do you think, dearest reader?
See our last story from The Sphincter People file: Carolyn Bourne Goes Sphincter on Daughter-In-Law in Pre-Marriage Email.
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