Terminally Ill, Alleged Wife Killer
Tuesday, March 19, 2013 at 9:05 am
Breakfast reading from the Voice Media Empire: As some sort of "practical joke," one Missouri soldier allegedly stabbed another soldier in the buttocks. The victim, who had to go to the hospital and undergo surgery, didn't find it all that funny. Riverfront Times has the story. 
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If Jimmy Buffett hasn't already written a sappy acoustic ballad about the foibles of Thomas Knight, it's probably only a matter of time. The 57-year-old Conch had such a strong hankering for another cold one, local police say, that he broke into the Key West Airport to steal a six pack from the terminal bar.
Which, come to think of it, raises a question or two about security at the Conch Republic's international airport. Miami New Times has the story.
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Tags: Arizona, Phoenix New Times
Breakfast reading from the Voice Media Empire: Lori Sisak, 29, was probably hoping that her knife would threaten a smoke shop cashier into opening the register and handing over cash. But when that was unsuccessful, she settled on the jar of tips filled with some coins. How much did she get? Riverfront Times has the story. 
Breakfast reading from the Voice Media Empire: A substitue teacher in St. Louis is accused of bringing a Taser with her to Kehrs Mill Elementary School -- and testing it out in the vicinity of students. Nobody was harmed, but will the teacher face punishment? Riverfront Times has the story. 
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We can only imagine what sort of hellish high is produced by mixing cocaine, synthetic drugs, and Four Loko. Judging by how Lorenzo Guerrero's experience with it went, we don't want to find out anytime soon.
Guerrero, whacked out on the odd mix and wielding a knife, was arrested on attempted second-degree murder charges after he ambushed an elderly CVS clerk in Largo, Florida. Miami New Times has the story.
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The greatest damage a Taco Bell burrito can do to you is from the inside, but that didn't stop Erik Brown from using a burrito in a more traditional form of assault.
The 36-year-old was arrested on February 15 in Port St. Lucie for the domestic dispute with a burrito as the weapon. Miami New Times has the story.
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Christopher Sharp, a 37-year-old resident of Spring Hill, Florida, realized his job at a Pizza Hut may not be the most impressive vocation in the eyes of his live-in girlfriend. So instead of landing better employment, Sharp stole a Pasco County Sheriff's Deputy uniform and for five months pretended to be employed as a cop to impress his friends, family and girlfriend. Miami New Times has the story.
Breakfast reading from the Voice Media Empire: Deputies returned to the station to find Brown inside, trying to figure out a way to get the gun safe open. He was soon surrounded by a SWAT team -- but when a negotiator called on the station phone, he answered like an employee. Westword has the story.
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Manatees are for looking, not touching. Even people who lack common sense should have learned that after Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez turned herself in for attempting to ride a manatee in the Tampa Bay area.
Not everyone got the message. Ryan William Waterman, a 21-year-old Fort Pierce man, has been arrested after posting online pictures of his two young children riding a manatee calf. Miami New Times has the story.
